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A scared monster accidentally destroys tokyo and now must rebuild the city while avoiding capture from a crazy zoologist.
I am a fan of the original Japanese version of Godzilla and the idea that a monster could accidentally destroy Tokyo felt like a fresh twist on a classic tale. I have two comments that might be helpful. First, in light of the recent nuclear disaster in Tokyo, I am wondering if a story about the acciRead more
I am a fan of the original Japanese version of Godzilla and the idea that a monster could accidentally destroy Tokyo felt like a fresh twist on a classic tale. I have two comments that might be helpful. First, in light of the recent nuclear disaster in Tokyo, I am wondering if a story about the accidental destruction of this city might feel a bit intense–however, this may be your intent. Second, I think your logline could be a bit more clear on the main objective of the monster–not getting caught. If the monster is caught he won’t be able to rebuild the city. Rough draft of a possible revision idea:
When a scared monster accidentally destroys a major city, it must avoid capture by a ____ (is the scientist crazy if we wants to stop destruction? Maybe this person is just insensitive to the true nature of the monster) scientist so the monster can use its super powers to help rebuild the city.
See lessTo provide for his disabled brother, a debt-coated dealer accepts a highly secretive job for a world famous chef, as purveyor of an illegal, secret ingredient.
When his disabled brother becomes seriously ill, a cash-strapped drug dealer must outwit a hot shot cop to procure a rare ingredient for a famous chef to pay for the treatment. When his disabled brother becomes seriously ill, a cash-strapped drug dealer must procure an illegal ingredient for a famouRead more
When his disabled brother becomes seriously ill, a cash-strapped drug dealer must outwit a hot shot cop to procure a rare ingredient for a famous chef to pay for the treatment.
When his disabled brother becomes seriously ill, a cash-strapped drug dealer must procure an illegal ingredient for a famous chef to pay for the treatment.
A couple of suggestions for shortened loglines based on your description.
Your additional comments were very helpful. I enjoyed reading more about your screenplay.
See lessAfter one of them runs over his loving girlfriend while intoxicated, two teenage boys set off across the northern U.S. looking for a secure place to dump the body as soon as possible, while their friendship and criminal minds are tested.
When he accidentally kills girlfriend, teenager (main character's name) and his best friend (friend's name) must turn their perfectly planned road trip into the perfect way to dispose of the body. Just a thought on how you might shorten the logline.
When he accidentally kills girlfriend, teenager (main character’s name) and his best friend (friend’s name) must turn their perfectly planned road trip into the perfect way to dispose of the body. Just a thought on how you might shorten the logline.
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