1. Posted: October 4, 2012In:

    When his fiance is kidnapped by a Fire-Demon, a timid janitor must locate a mythical artifact and uncover its power before the Devil kills his lover and unborn child.

    Andrew Bates Logliner

    Thanks. Will re-post another logline shortly.

    Thanks. Will re-post another logline shortly.

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  2. Posted: September 29, 2012In:

    Hacker Dax lives free and profits from the system that controls most of society… until one of the MegaCorps design a digital virus that kills hackers who infiltrate their system. Dax is forced to lead a revolution to return control of knowledge back to the people, or die for leeching off them for so long.

    Andrew Bates Logliner

    To much is happening in this logline, reads more as a movie blurb than a logline. *Try to reduce the logline to 25-27 words - 25 words if you can. *Names and age isn't relevant in a logline unless its relevant to the story. *Give the protagonist a flaw, something he needs to overcome at the end of tRead more

    To much is happening in this logline, reads more as a movie blurb than a logline.

    *Try to reduce the logline to 25-27 words – 25 words if you can.
    *Names and age isn’t relevant in a logline unless its relevant to the story.
    *Give the protagonist a flaw, something he needs to overcome at the end of the story.. How would you describe him “compulsive, obsessive, loner, timid”
    *We want to go for the hero, being a hacker we need something that makes us cheer for him (Hacking being illegal). e.g Hacking a pharmaceuticals organization testing on humans.. not your story but you get the idea.
    *Give the Antagonist a face, Who runs MegaCorps? Focus on one, not the plural. Is the person who created the virus a hacker also? Does the hero know him/her? What is his relationship to this person?

    Fill out below and your logline pretty much writes itself.

    Protag- Hacker
    Antag- MegaCorp…CEO?
    Goal- ?
    Inner Conflict- ?
    Outer Conflict- ?
    Irony- ?.
    Hook- Digital Virus
    Genre- ?

    Good luck!

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  3. Posted: November 21, 2012In:

    When a Fire-Demon from his parents past kidnaps his fianc?, a timid hydrologist must locate a mythical artefact and uncover its power before the Devil kills his lover and unborn child.

    Best Answer
    Andrew Bates Logliner

    Hi Alice My original logline had the protagonist as a janitor who had a fear of water, his fear in turns to be his greatest weapon at the end of his story. But being a Janitor and phobia of water didn't work out great as Janitor's use water in every day use. I like the idea of "building the device"Read more

    Hi Alice
    My original logline had the protagonist as a janitor who had a fear of water, his fear in turns to be his greatest weapon at the end of his story. But being a Janitor and phobia of water didn’t work out great as Janitor’s use water in every day use.

    I like the idea of “building the device” But I’m not sure that’s the path I want this story to take.
    Long story short, there is a hidden power inside the artifact, a power that his mother once possessed.

    I think I’ll work with the logline a bit more and go along with the phobia of water, his occupation will obviously change.

    Thanks for the feedback.

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