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An ostracized rookie desperate to prove himself takes up Parkour in order to infiltrate a gang of jewellery thieves, but falls in love with their charismatic leader.
Young cop doesn't work, rookie does. But since you want to focus on his flaw maybe "ostracized cop" is best suited for the logline. The fact that he is young etc may not be needed... My Spin... "When a ostracized cop tries to prove himself by going undercover and infiltrating a gang of jewel thievesRead more
Young cop doesn’t work, rookie does. But since you want to focus on his flaw maybe “ostracized cop” is best suited for the logline. The fact that he is young etc may not be needed…
My Spin…
“When a ostracized cop tries to prove himself by going undercover and infiltrating a gang of jewel thieves, his ethics are tested when the charismatic leader steals his heart”
“A Ostracized cop takes up Parkour and infiltrates a gang of jewel thieves, his ethics are tested when the charismatic leader steals his heart”
Something along those lines but better!
See lessIrony helps sell loglines too (steals heart etc)
An ostracized rookie desperate to prove himself takes up Parkour in order to infiltrate a gang of jewellery thieves, but falls in love with their charismatic leader.
Hey Nick Like the premise, but I believe you need to re-word it. You use the term "rookie" and then say "take up Parkour" Rookie and taking up something new to me are the same thing. For the hero's flaw, maybe look along the lines of co-ordination etc, something that he needs to overcome be an experRead more
Hey Nick
Like the premise, but I believe you need to re-word it. You use the term “rookie” and then say “take up Parkour” Rookie and taking up something new to me are the same thing.
For the hero’s flaw, maybe look along the lines of co-ordination etc, something that he needs to overcome be an expert at Parkour.
Ostracized Rookie… doesn’t sit well for me, ostracized from what exactly? To Prove what? That he can be a theif? That he can catch the thieves? To be an expert at Parkour?
Why does he want to infiltrate a gang of Jewellery thieves? Is he a cop? Is he a government official trying to stop their shinanigans? Did they still grandma’s favorite broach?
Hope this helps.
See lessA reclusive writer discovers the murders in her novels are becoming reality before they hit the shelves and must work with a suspicious FBI agent to find the killer and clear her name.
Hey Doc Try to bring the logline down to 25-27 words. Other than that, Love it, nice work!
Hey Doc
See lessTry to bring the logline down to 25-27 words. Other than that, Love it, nice work!