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An ethics prof and family man must prove his rehabilitation to a court-appointed psychiatrist when found not guilty of rape by reason of insanity and committed to a mental asylum.
Hi Nis. Thanks for your opinion. Great to see that someone else is interested in the human brain and finds the central dilemma posed in the logline interesting. I will consider your suggestion of having another main character. I thought about a lawyer friend of his who defends his case in court andRead more
Hi Nis. Thanks for your opinion. Great to see that someone else is interested in the human brain and finds the central dilemma posed in the logline interesting. I will consider your suggestion of having another main character. I thought about a lawyer friend of his who defends his case in court and tries to help him out of the asylum, but is ultimately conflicted by what the prof did and who he knows the prof to be / have been before the tumour.
See lessChaos ensues when a group of four teenage misfits sign up for a week-long school trip to a sleepy caravan park occupied by monotonous residents and the supernatural.
Hi Sam Garner. 1. Chaos sounds very unspecific here it makes the movie hard to visualise. So does the casual use of monotonous residents and the supernatural. Both don't make the concept clearer or more appealing, but only more vague. Try to focus in on where the major opposition/conflict will comeRead more
Hi Sam Garner.
1. Chaos sounds very unspecific here it makes the movie hard to visualise. So does the casual use of monotonous residents and the supernatural. Both don’t make the concept clearer or more appealing, but only more vague. Try to focus in on where the major opposition/conflict will come from in the script. Is there some monster they have to defeat to return alive from their school trip? Are the residents really the problem? What sort of chaos are we talking about exactly?
See less2. The prime goal of your heroes is missing entirely, which makes this concept unfocused and like it could go anywhere, but nowhere specific.
When an old foe returns and takes control of a doomsday weapon, an admiral who feared his time was over must utilise all the tricks his experience taught him to save his ship and crew.
Hi Zodrak. 1. Why does the old foe use a doomsday weapon only on one ship? He could do more damage than that I suspect and put many more in danger, which would up the stakes, making the longline stronger 2. The admiral seems like a blank page. You could shorten "who feared his time was over" by usinRead more
Hi Zodrak.
1. Why does the old foe use a doomsday weapon only on one ship? He could do more damage than that I suspect and put many more in danger, which would up the stakes, making the longline stronger
See less2. The admiral seems like a blank page. You could shorten “who feared his time was over” by using something like world-worn as an adjective. It hints to a psychological state. Also the antagonist is missing a descriptive adjective which makes it hard to envision the struggle between them.
3. What doomsday weapon are we talking about here? Making it specific might make it easier to visualise the story concept.
4. It sounds like hero and villain have history together, maybe that could be hinted at as well if it doesn’t make the longline too long…