1. Posted: August 1, 2022In:

    On the day he vows to quit, a burned out psychiatrist breaks confidentiality and reveals the intriguing, mysterious, and dramatic lives of his patients.

    BenGilani Logliner

    Hi, sabrown, Your logline portends an interesting story. However, reading your logline, the following questions were immediately raised: Why does the psychiatrist break confidentiality? and reveal the intriguing, mysterious, and dramatic lives of his patients? To achieve what? Why does he want to quRead more

    Hi, sabrown,

    Your logline portends an interesting story. However, reading your logline, the following questions were immediately raised:

    Why does the psychiatrist break confidentiality? and reveal the intriguing, mysterious, and dramatic lives of his patients? To achieve what?

    Why does he want to quit in the first place?

    What is the relation between the psychiatrist quitting and his decision on revealing the intriguing, mysterious, and dramatic lives of his patients?

    What is he hoping/planning/aiming to achieve?

    To me, the answer to the above questions should be included in your logline. Clear Context.

    I suggest you include some more info and re-write. We will see after that.

    I hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: August 1, 2022In:

    A con artist does one more scam before he retires exposes dark secrets in his family well after his father dies unexpectedly.

    BenGilani Logliner

    Hi IvyEight6, This is how I see it (using your own version of logline): After his father's unexpected death, a con artist decides to pull one last scam by exposing his family's dark secrets. However, there are confusing points you'll have to address. Questions: 1- How exposing his family's dark secrRead more

    Hi IvyEight6,
    This is how I see it (using your own version of logline):

    After his father’s unexpected death, a con artist decides to pull one last scam by exposing his family’s dark secrets.

    However, there are confusing points you’ll have to address.
    Questions:
    1- How exposing his family’s dark secrets is a scam?
    2- Why does he have to do his scam after his father dies? What is the relation between his father’s death with his scam decision?
    3- What is he achieving by exposing his family’s dark secrets?
    4- Was/Is anything stopping him from doing so?

    You need to address all the above questions. Read your logline from the reader’s POV.
    Re-write and we will see again.

    I hope this helps.

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  3. Posted: July 22, 2022In:

    VOYAGE: After exhausting every medical and experimental procedure known to man to save his child’s life, a billionaire commits his entire fortune to perfect time travel to retrieve the one thing he believes will cure his son’s terminal illness — the blood of Christ.

    BenGilani Logliner

    Hi Rich, Ok. I understand. This is how I see it more or less: After exhausting all possibilities to save his son's life, an affluent desperate man dedicates his entire fortune to achieving time travel to retrieve the one cure that can save his son's life — the blood of Christ. I hope this helps

    Hi Rich,
    Ok. I understand. This is how I see it more or less:

    After exhausting all possibilities to save his son’s life, an affluent desperate man dedicates his entire fortune to achieving time travel to retrieve the one cure that can save his son’s life — the blood of Christ.

    I hope this helps

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