1. Posted: January 3, 2013In:

    With dreams of writing the next great American novel, a struggling author blackmails a middle-aged hitman for inspiration.

    bryson

    I think this is great. Concise, clear, and compelling.

    I think this is great. Concise, clear, and compelling.

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  2. Posted: January 4, 2013In:

    A modern day comedic love story where the immature, yet charming, Oscar Cohen struggles when he must decide between his relationship with his childhood friends, and pursuing the woman of his dreams.

    bryson

    For me, I am struggling with the significance of Oscar's characteristics and his decision. I understand the ultimate objective, but not the challenge of achieving it. One suggestion might be to leave out the decision he has to make between his friends and the woman of his dreams. If the decision betRead more

    For me, I am struggling with the significance of Oscar’s characteristics and his decision. I understand the ultimate objective, but not the challenge of achieving it. One suggestion might be to leave out the decision he has to make between his friends and the woman of his dreams. If the decision between his friends and the woman is important, I don’t get why out of this logline.

    Also, it is hard to understand if this is a teenage or adult movie given that you have listed the characteristic of the main character as immature.

    From your title, I see this as a movie about a standout kid in a group of losers who wants to pursue the girl of his dreams but not lose his friends over her.

    Hope this helps.

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  3. Posted: January 1, 2013In:

    When a devoted woman suspects infidelity in her husband and then realizes afterwards that she made a mistake, she must reverse a drastic decision she took to hurt him or their children die.

    bryson

    I know you have been working on several revisions of this so I know that must be challenged. Keep in mind that you have to be happy with it because not every logline will please everyone. I think my comments about this revision may reflect some of the earlier comments in your previous posts, so my aRead more

    I know you have been working on several revisions of this so I know that must be challenged. Keep in mind that you have to be happy with it because not every logline will please everyone.

    I think my comments about this revision may reflect some of the earlier comments in your previous posts, so my apologies if so.

    Is there a weakness about the woman that can be highlighted, such as being rash or irrational?
    Have you tried reversing the order of the logline (i.e. A drastic decision putting her children in harms way must be reversed when an irrational wife suspects infidelity).
    Not sure if you need to state “she realizes later”. Maybe something like this “When a devoted woman suspects infidelity in her husband, she must reverse a drastic decision she took to hurt him or their children die.” That is if you chose to keep this logline.

    Hope this helps. Good luck on your next revision.

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