1. Posted: February 10, 2018In:

    When a reclusive, secretly psychic troubleshooter is threatened to do a job, or loose it, she and her ghostly toy T.Rex sidekick head to Berlin. When she “sees” the rail road company’s problem involves thiefs and Nazi’s, fixing this problem becomes a mission. I am sooo not done with this logline yet ( it is too long) but would love to hear your opinion on it. Greetings Mack I have put it in the superhero section because she has secret “powers”and fights evil (Nazi’s) with it.

    variable Uberwriter

    I try to read a concept's working, without the adjectives it reads as: "a guy must do his job or loose it" neither the stakes are made personal nor his dramatic need (inner goal) visible apart from which you need to specify the problem of the rail road company so that the nature of his "what needs bRead more

    I try to read a concept’s working, without the adjectives
    it reads as:
    “a guy must do his job or loose it”

    neither the stakes are made personal
    nor his dramatic need (inner goal) visible

    apart from which you need to specify the problem of the rail road company so that the nature of his “what needs be done” becomes conceivable
    (personally, i would like to see a psychic troubleshooter solving a railroad problem, just not with a ghostly toy T.Rex as a sidekick to fight thiefs and nazis_google blake snyder’s “double mumbo jumbo”)

    PS. the purpose of character adjectives must be to solve for plot dynamic loopholes
    for instance, I read something of this sorts, here LoglinesRUS.it..
    “a devout catholic widower must learn to live with the son of his wife’s rapist”
    here, adjective “devout catholic” answers an otherwise loophole “why didn’t he go for an abortion?”

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  2. Posted: February 9, 2018In:

    A young family experience supernatural happenings in their new home. After the family pet is butchered and the children have been attacked in their beds a non believer must play devils advocate to the deadly unseen evil by taking a life in order to save his families.

    variable Uberwriter

    >>The murder is part of the climax Then you make it like tons other out there.. sin-->denial-->power play between the forces of light and dark But making "murder" an inciting Incident, allows the question (why the paranormal demands human sacrifice) suspend through the plot and a suspendRead more

    >>The murder is part of the climax

    Then you make it like tons other out there..
    sin–>denial–>power play between the forces of light and dark

    But making “murder” an inciting Incident,
    allows the question (why the paranormal demands human sacrifice) suspend through the plot
    and
    a suspended question = suspense

    If
    “The lead being ordered by the evil spirit to take a life” is your hook (suggested by Richiev)
    Then
    “What happens when he doesn’t comply with his instruction to kill”–becomes your filmplay
    “how he escapes his command”–becomes your plot
    “how your Act 2 drags a disbeliever into the world of paranormal”–becomes your premise

    I’d say make “his first kill-order” an Inciting Incident..

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  3. Posted: February 8, 2018In:

    During a civil war, an arrogant music teacher must lead her chaotic children’s choir to safety through music and games.

    variable Uberwriter

    I really like the premise! both dpg and Richiev are right your plot length depends on how far away safety is. I am dubious if soldier from any side could harm children (if it's a civil war) also would the teacher still behave arrogant in a situation when she too is worried about the safety her own kRead more

    I really like the premise!
    both dpg and Richiev are right

    your plot length depends on how far away safety is.
    I am dubious if soldier from any side could harm children (if it’s a civil war)
    also would the teacher still behave arrogant in a situation when she too is worried about the safety her own kid (somewhere out there)
    Or is it a character flaw she must overcome through this journey
    good luck for your story joe!

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