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“When he discovers his multi-million dollar trust fund is locked away behind legal red tape, a broke Nigerian Prince uses the internet in order to convince highly pessimistic Americans to help him raise the money, so his funds will be released.”—- (Practice Logline)—- Title: Trust me (Maybe-Go fund me)
The protagonist - a spoiled broke prince - is interesting; keeping the goal a direct result of the character adds to the narrative. My only concern- not knowing the exact figure he needs to raise, makes it hard to imagine the span of his action. For instance, how cinematic is it to see someone usingRead more
The protagonist – a spoiled broke prince – is interesting; keeping the goal a direct result of the character adds to the narrative. My only concern- not knowing the exact figure he needs to raise, makes it hard to imagine the span of his action. For instance, how cinematic is it to see someone using internet to convince others?
See lessA young girl, orphaned by cholera struggles, to stay out of the hands of the man who abused her. She dons boy?s clothes to flee West in search of a new family.
Have one objective goal: to get away from him. It's more urgent.A new family - while great - is a subjective goal which doesn't stem from the Inciting incident.suggested format-When evading her abuser becomes a nightmare, a young orphan flees West to seek help.Add what's stopping her from reaching tRead more
Have one objective goal: to get away from him. It’s more urgent.
A new family – while great – is a subjective goal which doesn’t stem from the Inciting incident.
suggested format-
When evading her abuser becomes a nightmare, a young orphan flees West to seek help.
Add what’s stopping her from reaching the cops or the crowd.
See lessShort film. Many years after the war, a mother who was raped during the war lives by herself and has a young son that serves the army. While her son is on his way to surprise his mother, the father (rapist) shows up at the mother’s house to meet the son. While the mother tries to make him go away, the fight intensifies and the mother cuts the man. He goes crazy and tries to assault her, at that moment the son shows up and shoots his father.
I like the outline; there's enough conflict for a short film ..whose story is it? Depends on the Inciting Incident. Is it about the son who must (action) shoot a man to (goal) protect his mother?, or is it about the mother who must (action) stand against her rapist to (goal) redeem her dignity? PersRead more
I like the outline; there’s enough conflict for a short film ..whose story is it? Depends on the Inciting Incident. Is it about the son who must (action) shoot a man to (goal) protect his mother?, or is it about the mother who must (action) stand against her rapist to (goal) redeem her dignity? Personally, It seems to say more if you go with the mother. Choose one.
See less