1. Posted: July 14, 2016In:

    After being attacked by a distressed mother of an obsessed fan, a girl band must escape their dressing room without being killed.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    I see a funny contained horror. Is the attack keeping them in the room. Is the attack the story? Because you have written it like two separate events. If it is a continuum try something like. Trapped by the murderius mother of an obsessed fan a girl band must escape their dressing room to survive. HRead more

    I see a funny contained horror. Is the attack keeping them in the room. Is the attack the story? Because you have written it like two separate events. If it is a continuum try something like.

    Trapped by the murderius mother of an obsessed fan a girl band must escape their dressing room to survive.

    Hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: July 14, 2016In:

    After her daughter is brutally assaulted and raped by a group of racist boys at school, a tough Vietnamese beautician seeks to torture the boys’ mothers at her beauty salon.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Just add a motive for the torture and then tighten your wording."To avenge her daughter's rape by a racist classmate a Vietnamese woman abducts and tortures the boys mother."To avenge may be wrong. But rape always comes with the knowledge of brutality so you don't have to say that, words you get forRead more

    Just add a motive for the torture and then tighten your wording.

    “To avenge her daughter’s rape by a racist classmate a Vietnamese woman abducts and tortures the boys mother.”

    To avenge may be wrong. But rape always comes with the knowledge of brutality so you don’t have to say that, words you get for free.

    Hope it helps.

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  3. Posted: July 9, 2016In:

    Wanting to go legit a young drug dealer must do one last run to rescue her sister being held hostage by her boss; knowing she be going to be killed.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    So like myself, it is hard to get a handle on a logline for this story without changing the story. I appreciate all the suggestions, but I have the story. It doesn't need a change. Everything works, well I am currently doing a bit of a backstory on one issue based on insightful notes. I think I willRead more

    So like myself, it is hard to get a handle on a logline for this story without changing the story.

    I appreciate all the suggestions, but I have the story. It doesn’t need a change. Everything works, well I am currently doing a bit of a backstory on one issue based on insightful notes.

    I think I will focus on the sacrifice for the logline.

    Thx- love to see logline suggestions.

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