1. Posted: March 28, 2016In:

    Radical insurgent falls in love with an American hostage and as his ideology falters he must orchestrate her escape before his kingpin brother masterminds a major terrorist plot that implicates and kills them both.

    Best Answer
    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    If he falls in love and helps her escape, his faltering is evident. Is the story about them falling in love or the escape? Orchestrates seems like he is pulling the strings but not involved. Masterminds is not the exercution of the plan. Make more action based and the ticking clock becomes importantRead more

    If he falls in love and helps her escape, his faltering is evident. Is the story about them falling in love or the escape?

    Orchestrates seems like he is pulling the strings but not involved.

    Masterminds is not the exercution of the plan. Make more action based and the ticking clock becomes important.

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  2. Posted: March 26, 2016In:

    ?In the desolate future, when an isolated and curious teenager is suddenly forced from his collapsing underground bunker into the overgrown wilderness outside, he will have to survive long enough to make a few allies if he is to find his little sister, rumored to be alive.?

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    The story is he needs to find his sister. Everything else is what is referred to as an inciting incident. So what does he do to find his sister. What prevents his success? Or is it just about him making allies? In a desolate future a homeless teen must get help from new allies to rescue his sister tRead more

    The story is he needs to find his sister. Everything else is what is referred to as an inciting incident.

    So what does he do to find his sister.
    What prevents his success?

    Or is it just about him making allies?

    In a desolate future a homeless teen must get help from new allies to rescue his sister that he believed dead from xxxxx before xxxxx

    I hope this helps. Remember less words is better. Be as direct as possible.

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  3. Posted: March 20, 2016In:

    A fledgling detective pursues a serial killer who killed her mother, getting assistance from beyond the grave, but is overwhelmed by panic attacks when she gets too close.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    I like the idea of ghostly assistance. Depends how you write it. The cop could be tormented or happy with the ghosts. Lots of dramatic scope. Do they leave after the crime is solved, does this cause an issue with a third act twist? Try to say why the panic attacks. You may find you don't need it. IfRead more

    I like the idea of ghostly assistance. Depends how you write it. The cop could be tormented or happy with the ghosts. Lots of dramatic scope. Do they leave after the crime is solved, does this cause an issue with a third act twist?

    Try to say why the panic attacks. You may find you don’t need it. If they are just another flaw rather than an actual story motivator drop them.

    Post another version as a comment below. Would be interested to read it.

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