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A young Broadway actress defies her family, their political stance, and puts at risk an already fragile relationship with her mother when she decides to reconnect with an estranged Communist aunt living in Cuba.
"A young Broadway actress defies her family, their political stance, and puts at risk an already fragile relationship with her mother when she decides to reconnect with an estranged Communist aunt living in Cuba." I suggest reading through the formula tab at the top of the page, and the feedback othRead more
“A young Broadway actress defies her family, their political stance, and puts at risk an already fragile relationship with her mother when she decides to reconnect with an estranged Communist aunt living in Cuba.”
I suggest reading through the formula tab at the top of the page, and the feedback other members receive to better understand the elements and format of a logline.
Most of this sentence isn’t something that’s needed in a logline. To be specific “defies her family, their political stance, and puts at risk an already fragile relationship with her mother” adds nothing really.
See lessWhat is needed is the inciting incident. Why does the actress decide to visit her aunt? It should be a singular event. Also, what does she hope to accomplish by doing this? The logline should describe a goal which has a clear objective to be completed. (think about what the climax of the story is)
A rural schoolhouse is destroyed by an earthquake, five volunteers arrive to rebuild it, but the actions of one derail the entire endeavour.
"A rural schoolhouse is destroyed by an earthquake, five volunteers arrive to rebuild it, but the actions of one derail the entire endeavour." The logline starts off all right, with a clear event. However, the protagonist should be clearly defined. Whether there's only one or more than one, it shoulRead more
“A rural schoolhouse is destroyed by an earthquake, five volunteers arrive to rebuild it, but the actions of one derail the entire endeavour.”
The logline starts off all right, with a clear event.
However, the protagonist should be clearly defined. Whether there’s only one or more than one, it should be clear who the protagonist of the story is. There may be five volunteers, but is there one who is the protagonist?
“but the actions of one derail the entire endeavour.” is vague and tells a logline reader nothing clear.?As a result of the inciting incident, what must the protagonist set out to accomplish? What is the main conflict?
Please go through the formula tab at the top of the page, and also read through the feedback other members receive on their loglines to better understand the elements we’re looking for.
See lessSet in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from ferocious demon.
"Set in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from ferocious demon." (44 words)Mentioning the Salem Witch trials means you don't need to specifiRead more
“Set in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from ferocious demon.” (44 words)
Mentioning the Salem Witch trials means you don’t need to specifically include the date. Otherwise, the main problem is that you use terms which require the context of your story to understand. “Black Flame” means absolutely nothing to me. It’s a story-specific term which should be described generically in the logline.
See lessThe inciting incident is also not clear. It should be a single event which happens to the protagonist. For example, being accused of witchcraft and sentenced to death.?
‘Protect’ is not a great goal for a logline. The goal should be something which has a definitive ending, an objective which can be accomplished. For example, do they have a specific destination?