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When society devolves into chaos after the electric grid collapses, an immoral celebrity survivalist leads a group of defrauded fans to defend his remote compound from a ruthless gang of killers who are out to kill him and his family.
"With society on the brink of collapse, the morally bankrupt star of a survival reality TV show must lead a group of his fans to stay alive." and ?A morally bankrupt star of a survival reality TV show must lead a group of his fans to a compound in Idaho as society crumbles around them.? I think bothRead more
“With society on the brink of collapse, the morally bankrupt star of a survival reality TV show must lead a group of his fans to stay alive.”
and
?A morally bankrupt star of a survival reality TV show must lead a group of his fans to a compound in Idaho as society crumbles around them.?
I think both versions of the logline suffer from being a bit too vague. Both versions lack an inciting incident, which would help to give context to the plot. What exactly does “society on the brink of collapse” or “as society crumbles” mean?
A logline should use language which evokes a clear action, it should use visual language conveying a specific and generic meaning which allows anyone not familiar with the story to understand.
Also, the goal seems to be ‘survive’ which isn’t a great goal. Think of the climax of the story, what happens? What is the protagonist trying to do at that point? That’s what the goal should be.
This story reminds me of “Children of Men”(2006). In that film, the protagonist is helping a woman to survive, but what helps that film is that the protagonist’s goal is to reach a specific destination. (A film I recommend.)
A breakdown of the logline’s elements:
Inciting incident: No clear, single event is listed.
Protagoinst: “the morally bankrupt star of a survival reality TV show” —> I suggest trying to cut some words from this description.
Goal: Survive —-> This is a passive goal. The protagonist should be actively trying to achieve a specific goal.
Antagonist: No antagonist described.
I suggest considering the above elements for a revision.
See lessWhen Jack saw a dream that his only daughter killed by a boy ?jack try to find and kill that boy?
"When Jack saw a dream that his only daughter killed by a boy ?jack try to find and kill that boy?" (21 words) I agree with mikepedley85 and Richiev. This logline seems to have all the necessary elements for a logline, the just omits important background information and is worded in a way that couldRead more
“When Jack saw a dream that his only daughter killed by a boy ?jack try to find and kill that boy?” (21 words)
I agree with mikepedley85 and Richiev.
This logline seems to have all the necessary elements for a logline, the just omits important background information and is worded in a way that could confuse a reader.
Unless the character is a historical figure or from a pre-established universe, do not include names.
Here’s an example:?After he dreams the murder of his daughter, a clairvoyant man must find the boy who kills her to prevent her murder. (22 words)
See lessTwo next door neighbors, one needing to get somewhere and the other to get away, set out on a road trip across America that will redefine what they want from life and from each other.
"Two next door neighbors, one needing to get somewhere and the other to get away, set out on a road trip across America that will redefine what they want from life and from each other." What is the inciting incident? Why must the character leave?right now? The logline should describe a clear, singleRead more
“Two next door neighbors, one needing to get somewhere and the other to get away, set out on a road trip across America that will redefine what they want from life and from each other.”
What is the inciting incident? Why must the character leave?right now? The logline should describe a clear, single event.
See lessAs Richiev mentioned, who is the protagonist? The inciting incident should be specifically for that character.
The goal seems to be to get to a destination. So what is the conflict? Is there a time limit? Are they being chased? Right now, the story seems to be: two neighbors go on a road trip. The logline doesn’t describe a situation which brings up conflict.