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Fleeing an unseen force controlling their minds, an old man and his two nieces hijack a woman’s car only to discover she’s already picked up a familiar hitchhiker.
"Fleeing an unseen force controlling their minds, an old man and his two nieces hijack a woman?s car only to discover she?s already picked up a familiar hitchhiker." This tells us nothing about what they do. What is the inciting incident? Is it the unseen force taking control or is it when they findRead more
“Fleeing an unseen force controlling their minds, an old man and his two nieces hijack a woman?s car only to discover she?s already picked up a familiar hitchhiker.”
This tells us nothing about what they do. What is the inciting incident? Is it the unseen force taking control or is it when they find the person they know?
Do not hide who the person is. Is it the girls’ mother? State who it is.
What is the goal? What do they wish to accomplish? What event causes them to set this goal?
And what do they do after the event, what do they do to achieve the goal?
This logline gives no inciting incident, goal, or action for to be able to make an example out of.
See lessA grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime.
"A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime." So what is the story about? What does she do? Does she want to overthrow the regime? As dpg said, there is no plot describedRead more
“A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime.”
So what is the story about? What does she do? Does she want to overthrow the regime? As dpg said, there is no plot described.
See lessWhen his buddies desert him in law-enforced territory, a fast-talking space pirate hitches a ride with an underpaid traffic officer to retrieve his precious loot.
"disgruntled in place of underpaid" Example:?After his cargo is stolen, a suave space pirate convinces a disgruntled,?underpaid traffic officer to give him a ride so he can retrieve his loot.?(~26 words) I'm not sure if stating it was his friends is necessary; unless they are the actual antagonistsRead more
“disgruntled in place of underpaid”
Example:?After his cargo is stolen, a suave space pirate convinces a disgruntled,?underpaid traffic officer to give him a ride so he can retrieve his loot.?(~26 words)
I’m not sure if stating it was his friends is necessary; unless they are the actual antagonists of the story, then it might be best to leave them out to cut down the word count. I suggest just focusing the logline on the MC and the traffic officer. I don’t think you even need to mention an antagonist in it because it seems as though the antagonist doesn’t exactly surface until later anyway. The MC’s goal is clear.
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