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Wanting to go legit a young drug dealer must do one last run to rescue her sister being held hostage by her boss; knowing she be going to be killed.
"She suspects that she is being sent to her own death." My point is, what is so different? The risk seems to be the same as she is used to. Instead suspecting, I am suggesting you make it so that she knows that her boss wants her dead. That her boss wants to take something from her. And to save herRead more
“She suspects that she is being sent to her own death.”
See lessMy point is, what is so different? The risk seems to be the same as she is used to. Instead suspecting, I am suggesting you make it so that she knows that her boss wants her dead. That her boss wants to take something from her. And to save her sister, she is willing to give it up; she is sacrificing something so her sister can live.
To continue with my earlier example, say the boss outright tells her, “one of the people you’re working with is an undercover cop/mole”, which tells her that either this job is a complete suicide mission so get rid of two birds with one stone, or she’ll get put away because of the mole.
If she suspects, it doesn’t seem to be that different from past runs; she would probably be paranoid about someone ratting her out, or something going bad and her ending up dead/injured. If the job does not look any different than before, then there are fairly low stakes. She simply does the thing she has done, presumably without capture, once again, and then her sister is set free.
To sum it up with one question: What makes the actual job(meaning other than the sister) different from before?
Wanting to go legit a young drug dealer must do one last run to rescue her sister being held hostage by her boss; knowing she be going to be killed.
Richiev's version is good. But just to cut down on words could 'retiring' be used rather than 'who's trying to?go legit" One thing, though, the action and inciting incident lack a causal relationship. Going for one last drug run doesn't make someone free. So what specifically is she trying to accompRead more
Richiev’s version is good. But just to cut down on words could ‘retiring’ be used rather than ‘who’s trying to?go legit”
One thing, though, the action and inciting incident lack a causal relationship. Going for one last drug run doesn’t make someone free. So what specifically is she trying to accomplish? To pay the ransom? What if you made it so someone related to the drug dealer kidnapped her, that way it also makes it his fault and adds more of a redemption angle?
Example:?When a crime boss kidnaps her sister, a retiring drug dealer must complete one last job?for her to be released.?(~23 words)
But what’s so special about just another drug run? You should add something else, this drug run is particularly dangerous because the crime boss tells her there is a mole on her team and the reason for this job is to smoke him out. Or something. Because right now it seems like there’s absolutely no stakes; if she does the job she’s done however many times there is no more risk than usual. Adding something in will show the audience that she’s willing do anything to save her sister.
See lessWhen a bitten-to-death passenger is found dead in his cabin, a dad with son-issues aspires to catch the killer and redeem himself to his son.
"Because for the purpose of a logline and a plot, a protagonist should only have 1 objective goal" In this case, I think it matters how you view these, because in reality they could be viewed as only part of a larger goal: to balance work and personal life. In that case repairing the marriage and doRead more
“Because for the purpose of a logline and a plot, a protagonist should only have 1 objective goal”
See lessIn this case, I think it matters how you view these, because in reality they could be viewed as only part of a larger goal: to balance work and personal life. In that case repairing the marriage and doing the job are only steps to take to get to the goal. Just as in real life, most people’s goal is to live life to the , but everything else falls under that. But in a story is it too broad? I think in that case the focus goes on the trials the person faces to achieve that grand goal. In this case, having to be able to do the job and keep the marriage together.
Anyway, I still stand by my earlier stance where I said seeing the protagonist losing at the end would be refreshing compared to all the happy endings..