Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
Using stolen prediction software a cocksure hacker makes a fortune in sports bets, but when it predicts his death within three days, he must find out how he dies without dying in the process.
"A hacker makes a fortune in sports bets from a stolen simulation program that predicts the future only to discover he has three days to defeat the program?s next prediction: his own murder." I like dpg's version. It also addresses the first thing I noticed in the logline, which is that you used upRead more
“A hacker makes a fortune in sports bets from a stolen simulation program that predicts the future only to discover he has three days to defeat the program?s next prediction: his own murder.”
I like dpg’s version. It also addresses the first thing I noticed in the logline, which is that you used up more words to name the program. Just the description is good. As in all cases, if a name only has significance in your story, leave it unnamed in the logline. (For example of a case where naming it would be fine, saying ‘Christmas’ rather than ‘a holiday’. Which also applies to character names)
See lessA con-artist uses a spy?s stolen dummy credit card to repay a debt, but, when it disables every online banking system in the world, together they must trace the virus to its source before it disappears.
"Another technical quibble: ??before the virus disappears? ? but that is, in effect, a solution to the problem!" Yes, I addressed this in my own review as well. Another thing that comes to mind how good of a spy is this guy if he gives up a card containing a virus-or any card at all-to a con-artist.Read more
“Another technical quibble: ??before the virus disappears? ? but that is, in effect, a solution to the problem!”
See lessYes, I addressed this in my own review as well. Another thing that comes to mind how good of a spy is this guy if he gives up a card containing a virus-or any card at all-to a con-artist. But that brings up more questions. Is that supposed to be his role? A not very good spy? But then why would he have the card? Does he know the card contains the virus?
I suppose these are not problems with the concept, but it just adds more questions to the logline.
One last comment: If the story were lighthearted or a comedy, then the incompetent spy would be a good angle to use. But it seems you’re going more serious. If the intended tone is more lighthearted than bleak, gritty drama-thriller, I suggest you change the logline to reflect that.
A con-artist uses a spy?s stolen dummy credit card to repay a debt, but, when it disables every online banking system in the world, together they must trace the virus to its source before it disappears.
"A con-artist uses a spy?s stolen dummy credit card to repay a debt, but, when it disables every online banking system in the world, together they must trace the virus to its source before it disappears." Example: After?accidentally unleashing a virus that disables all online banking, a con-artist mRead more
“A con-artist uses a spy?s stolen dummy credit card to repay a debt, but, when it disables every online banking system in the world, together they must trace the virus to its source before it disappears.”
Example: After?accidentally unleashing a virus that disables all online banking, a con-artist must team up with a spy in order to trace the virus before it goes into hibernation to?evolve. ?(~31 words)
The odd thing about yours is that it seems as though the MC has already lost. The virus has been released and done its purpose. So what are the stakes, why do they need to find the virus after it has disabled all banking? That’s why I added the evolution part in my example; if they don’t trace and stop the virus before it can evolve, then it will wreak even more havoc.
So, what is at stake in your story?
Also, in your version I think you focus too much on the fact that the credit card is stolen. Is that specific detail completely necessary for the logline? The inciting incident is the virus disabling banking.
“When a con-artist swindles a ?framed spy out of his dummy credit card to repay a debt, it suddenly disables every online banking system in the world. Together they must reverse the effect before ?patriotic spies and vindictive loan sharks hunt them down.”
This has the same situation as the other, meaning that it focuses too much on the theft and debt. What causes them to be hunted down? Why, because of the inciting incident, are they hunted? It seems like they would be in that situation regardless, whether the virus were released or not, because you say he has a debt to pay and the other has been framed.
See lessSo, what is their goal, and what action do they take to achieve it?