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When a veteran detective takes his son out for a cruise, an old acquaintance looking for revenge shows up. The little detective outsmarts the acquaintance of this dad that happens to be the killer of his mother that his father was never able to catch.
I agree that the inciting incident isn't very strong, but the point of the story, to my understanding, is that years ago his mother died, his father, a detective tried to find the killer, and failed. Now it is the son's time to find the killer. So in this case his mother dying being the inciting incRead more
I agree that the inciting incident isn’t very strong, but the point of the story, to my understanding, is that years ago his mother died, his father, a detective tried to find the killer, and failed. Now it is the son’s time to find the killer. So in this case his mother dying being the inciting incident probably wouldn’t be as effective because it doesn’t make a clear connection for why he must solve the case now, after all of these years.?Maybe for this story a logline without an inciting incident could work, treat it as the boy determined since he was very young to see his mother’s murderer come to justice.
See lessA time-traveling hitman wakes up in his next hit anytime he sleeps. When he learns of a remedy that cures fatigue, he betrays the mob in search of their mad-scientist’s invention.
The concept is interesting, just incorporate the exposition at the beginning into the logline smoothly. I say take the time-travel aspect out of it completely. Suggestion: A hitman who always wakes up in his next hit betrays his mob boss when he learns a scientist developed a serum that prevents sleRead more
The concept is interesting, just incorporate the exposition at the beginning into the logline smoothly. I say take the time-travel aspect out of it completely.
See lessSuggestion: A hitman who always wakes up in his next hit betrays his mob boss when he learns a scientist developed a serum that prevents sleep. (~25 words)
Then again, you may want to consider not even putting the waking up in a next hit part in the logline. Because at its core, the story is about a hitman betraying the mob. The waking up part may just be a little too complicated to include in the logline, is all.
When a black 10 yr old boy?s father is abducted in apartheid South Africa he must use his lucid dreams to free his father and seek refuge in Australia.
This only makes the logline more complicated than before. How does he use his dreams? Dpg's version in the last version took it to the essentials.
This only makes the logline more complicated than before. How does he use his dreams?
See lessDpg’s version in the last version took it to the essentials.