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When a wildly out of control teenager is kicked out of home, he escapes to LA with a mission to be famous only to be sucked into a vortex of crystal meth addiction, gay porn and prostitution but when he nearly dies from an overdose he undergoes a gruelling rehabilitation program in Bali with the only chance he has left to save his life.
Yes, as said before it is too long. You are trying to include too much in the logline. You have an inciting incident which is a good start, and a goal, but what drives this character? I think the easiest way to shorten it would to be: Inciting incident(kicked out of home)+goal(to be famous+ reason fRead more
Yes, as said before it is too long. You are trying to include too much in the logline. You have an inciting incident which is a good start, and a goal, but what drives this character? I think the easiest way to shorten it would to be: Inciting incident(kicked out of home)+goal(to be famous+ reason for this goal to matter.
See lessAlso, just a thought, but instead of “wildly out of control” you could just say “wild”, cutting 3 words(adverbs such as ‘wildly’ tend to require more words. Overall, I think you’re just trying to include too much of the plot, try to cut it to just the inciting incident and what that causes.
After accepting the reality of being raped by a woman, a reformed demigod assassin tries to deal with his depression by getting back into the business of hunting people who bear the Chimera Mark.
It's a very complicated story(it's actually a novel but I figured a logline would help me). Because I'm trying to keep it simple I've left out some important things about the world. Chimeras are people who started developing powers about ten years ago(including demigods and mutants), and then two yeRead more
It’s a very complicated story(it’s actually a novel but I figured a logline would help me). Because I’m trying to keep it simple I’ve left out some important things about the world. Chimeras are people who started developing powers about ten years ago(including demigods and mutants), and then two years ago all chimeras developed a mark on their body that would identify them as a chimera. Due some actions done by a few chimeras, the world now sees them all as terrorists, and lynchings and racial profling and a whole lot stuff goes on.
So there are a few elements I could include in the logline:
The rape(His trying to deal with it is the actual inciting incident of the story)
The backstory. (Anti-chimera populace)
Assassin(He turns back to his old profession, but it isn’t a very big part of the story and is quickly dropped, though his penchant for killing stays throughout the novel)
There is no person that is an antagonist until later, but he?faces man vs society, and man vs self conflict until an antagonist arises.
Goal(To learn about the mark and also why chimeras only started appearing ten years ago.)
So, to keep it short I could cut out the rape, which I’m hesitant to do since it is an inciting incident and a very defining and intriguing part of his character , and then focus on the backstory.
Or perhaps I could try to think of another goal to focus on.
For the 3rd revision I’m going to try focusing on the depression. (I hadn’t planned this part but it is a part of depression so it fits to add it.)
Revision #3
See lessAfter being raped, a suicidal demigod tries to find new meaning in his life to deal with?his depression.
After accepting the reality of being raped by a woman, a reformed demigod assassin tries to deal with his depression by getting back into the business of hunting people who bear the Chimera Mark.
I think maybe I should drop the assassin angle and focus on the Chimera Mark.?Revision #2 After being raped, a depressed demigod?continues his search for the meaning of the mysterious mark that appeared on his body two years ago.?
I think maybe I should drop the assassin angle and focus on the Chimera Mark.?
See lessRevision #2
After being raped, a depressed demigod?continues his search for the meaning of the mysterious mark that appeared on his body two years ago.?