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to live a little longer
"A lost vegan food critic at the centre of two primitive competitive tribes must convince them all into ?one big happy vegetarian village? before the next bounty fest, where they compete over their rights to eat him.." This premise seems too much like a white savior trope.? Where the primitive and uRead more
“A lost vegan food critic at the centre of two primitive competitive tribes must convince them all into ?one big happy vegetarian village? before the next bounty fest, where they compete over their rights to eat him..”
This premise seems too much like a white savior trope.? Where the primitive and unintelligent savages who have their own culture are “saved” by the foreigner who comes in and teaches them their?own living style, and somehow in the process they learn the culture of the people better than they know it.
See lessThis also runs into the problem where the story seems to want these tribes to be primitive and ignorant of modern society, yet they know about standardized testing in modern education institutions, yet they are confused with the concept of eating plants?
Cannibalism is certainly real and it is still what some people around the world do.(from a simple Google search it seems most don’t kill the humans they consume unless it is an enemy intruder, but many eat corpses for religious practices.) My point being that there are nuanced reasons why cannibals consume human flesh, but this logline presents a “these dumb savages don’t know how to farm” situation.
Look at Hannibal, the NBC series, and other iterations of Hannibal Lecter. (Hannibal is the only version I am familiar with, though I do plan to watch “Silence of the Lambs”) Hannibal is extremely intelligent, a well adjusted human being who knows that other people find his dining desires disgusting. He is a nuanced and developed character.
That’s just my take. I get it’s a comedy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t have complex characters with interesting and developed motivations and goals. Going along with that, what is the motivation and goal for these tribes? Why do they want to eat this man?
I hope this helps.
While restoring an abandoned ski-lodge, a group of adrenaline-junkie ex-soldiers take sides in a secret war between a legendary creature and mysterious trappers determined to hunt it into extinction. Action/Horror
"While restoring an abandoned ski-lodge, a group of adrenaline-junkie ex-soldiers take sides in a secret war between a legendary creature and mysterious trappers determined to hunt it into extinction. " The premise sounds like it has an interesting element, in other words, it has a hook. But the logRead more
“While restoring an abandoned ski-lodge, a group of adrenaline-junkie ex-soldiers take sides in a secret war between a legendary creature and mysterious trappers determined to hunt it into extinction. ”
The premise sounds like it has an interesting element, in other words, it has a hook. But the logline needs some work.
See lessFor example, how do the protagonists end up in this war? In other words, what is the inciting incident? Are they attacked? What happens that makes them have to take sides?
Quite frankly, the protagonists are the least interesting part of this concept. While that isn’t necessarily a huge problem, the logline should present the main character as someone who the audience can invest in, can care about.
What are the stakes? While it would certainly not be a good thing if a species went extinct, why does this creature warrant such determination to be hunted? What happens if it goes extinct, and what happens if it stays alive? Does this creature hunt humans? Why does the creature matter?
Humans and Fae must overcome hatred and fear to survive the collision of their worlds.
"Humans and Fae must overcome hatred and fear to survive the collision of their worlds." (15) It appears that you're new to the site. To get started I suggest reading through the Formula tab and reading through some other members' posts and, more importantly, the feedback to get a feel for what reviRead more
“Humans and Fae must overcome hatred and fear to survive the collision of their worlds.” (15)
It appears that you’re new to the site. To get started I suggest reading through the Formula tab and reading through some other members’ posts and, more importantly, the feedback to get a feel for what reviewers will be looking for in your own posts. Also review other loglines, try to identify what other members do well or could use some work on.
First of all, who’s the main character? A human, one of the Fae? (don’t include their name in the logline, but rather describe a personality trait or skills)
Then, what’s that character’s specific objective goal? And what will they have to accomplish? The logline should describe a visual action the protagonist takes.
In other words, what does “must overcome hatred and fear to survive the collision of their worlds” look like onscreen?
This logline attempt is too generic. A logline is used to pitch your story to a moviemaker, not viewer. It doesn’t just have to capture their interest, but it has to make someone want to invest money and time into your concept. Or in other words, what’s the hook? The first thing most people think of when you mention a fairy? are the Disney versions. Your logline needs to tell a potential investor what kind of story you’re telling.
Here’s an example using some elements from your post:?After a Fae prince is murdered, a detective must prove that the prince wasn’t killed by a human before the Fae declare war on humanity. (26)
That’s just an example I made up, but it has an inciting incident, a goal, and an action that the protagonist goes through.
See lessI hope this helps.