Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A dracula who hates killing people for blood finds a companionship in a coward son of a gangster.
Dracula is a character. He is a vampire. So you likely mean that the story is about Dracula or it is about a generic vampire. If you're using dracula to define something else, then it is not clear. As Craig said, what is the character's goal?
Dracula is a character. He is a vampire. So you likely mean that the story is about Dracula or it is about a generic vampire. If you’re using dracula to define something else, then it is not clear.
See lessAs Craig said, what is the character’s goal?
Martin, a perfect square, discovers his divorce and general sense of unhappiness can be linked back to a lack lustre sex life, to help overcome his sexual inadequacies he hires a prostitute.
"Martin, a perfect square, discovers his divorce and general sense of unhappiness can be linked back to a lack lustre sex life, to help overcome his sexual inadequacies he hires a prostitute." If you haven't already, check the Formula tab at the top of the page. For starters, unless it is a historicRead more
“Martin, a perfect square, discovers his divorce and general sense of unhappiness can be linked back to a lack lustre sex life, to help overcome his sexual inadequacies he hires a prostitute.”
If you haven’t already, check the Formula tab at the top of the page. For starters, unless it is a historical figure or a character from a pre-existing franchise, do not include a fictional character’s name, instead describe their personality, ?preferably a character flaw which they have to overcome during the story.
See lessThe logline also mostly focuses on the subjective need of the protagonist. But since film is a visual medium, every aspect of the logline she be able to create a clear visual image in the reader’s head. What is his objective goal? How does hiring a prostitute help him achieve that goal, and most importantly, how is this goal represented visually? In other words, at the climax of the film, what will the protagonist succeed or fail in doing?
Another thing, what’s the hook of the story? What will make a producer want to read the script based on this logline? It seems like a pretty standard drama to me, and even more, the whole premise is based around sex, which either means going for an R rating which decreases the audience, or going for PG-13 and not being able to include sex, which is the ‘promise of the premise’.
After a police station is attacked, a supernatural mercenary in custody must work with mundane cops to defend it from a group of faeries seeking the powerful artifact she stole.
Dpg and Nir Shelter, thanks for the feedback."merely mortal cops can hold a supernatural being in custody."I didn't describe the character in the logline, because while what she is can be summed up in one word, it's likely not a word most people are familiar with. She's a changeling, as a child sheRead more
Dpg and Nir Shelter, thanks for the feedback.
“merely mortal cops can hold a supernatural being in custody.”
I didn’t describe the character in the logline, because while what she is can be summed up in one word, it’s likely not a word most people are familiar with. She’s a changeling, as a child she was born to human parents and then she was snatched and taken to Faerie, the realm of the faeries. She was replaced with a fae child in her home. She was raised by faeries while her real parents raised a faerie. So while she was in Faerie her body did change a little, giving her one specific ability, but it isn’t enough to help her escape a building full cops who can still kill her with some bullets. And when she’s being held, since her limited ability is of faerie origin, it is weaken by iron and anything containing it. So once the cops have her she’s pretty much just a regular mortal.
“Well, come to find out, she?s voluntarily submitting to custody.”
I’m not sure how I led you to that conclusion, but it’s not the case. She’s taken into custody and is uncooperative until she realizes that they are under attack.
“A whole act dedicated to a single interrogation will not work.”
The interrogation isn’t the sole action going on in the first act. She’s taken into custody, and then she spends a good amount of time being completely uncooperative. And as I said there’s one or at most two scenes which are out of the police station following her partner.
“?but to remind you the police station attack in the first Terminator movie was one (albeit long and elaborate) scene, not all of act 2.”
I mentioned that the set-up is like the scene in “The Terminator”, ?referencing only the part where they try to convince the police of the terminator’s existence, and then the fact that the terminator assaults the police station. Toward the end of the first act she tries to convince the cops to release her so she can fight the faeries. And, like I said above, the second act is like “Die Hard”, which took up the whole second act of that film.
These references to these movies are to help establish a visual image, something similar, it certainly won’t be exactly like any of the movies I’ve mentioned, so bringing up the length of any scenes or parts doesn’t really mean much.
“Lastly, shifting dramatic points of view is very risky, “
The main character is the one who is in custody, she has the character arc, and most scenes at least feature her. Maybe you got the idea that the partner outside of the station has about as many scenes as the main character, but that’s not the case. The outside partner is actively helping with the mission and her scenes inject some action into some of the slower parts of the film. She only has a few scenes without the main character until they come together.
“I think your structure is flawed”
I’ve mentioned before that unless a writer directly says something that doesn’t lead to good storytelling, then trying to judge a concept and plot based on a logline or any limited details provided isn’t a great assessment. In every post I’ve added more details that are in the story. Unless I share all of the beats or the script(which I haven’t written), any assessment on a plot isn’t that great. (Unless the writer describes a deus ex machina to resolve the climax or there are other fundamental storytelling issues that the writer clearly lays out.)
But in this post specifically any assessment of the plot structure is based on incomplete details. Saying that the structure is flawed because it’s all one interrogation for example…because the first 30 minutes or whatever is not just the interrogation.?
I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the feedback, but of any bit of description I give will seem flawed, you don’t have the whole story and plot to judge. That’s all I’m saying.?
Are there any suggestions for the logline??
Thank you for your responses. I think I addressed all of your points. ?I am still planning out the film so things may change.
See less