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  1. Posted: April 12, 2015In: Public

    A young American executive with strong family bonds seeks revenge for her sister's murder only to be confronted with the realization that the American Revolution never ended and her family secretly fights for the British side.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 13, 2015 at 9:18 pm

    As Nir Shelter said. Particularly on the issue of plausibility. It doesn't seem plausible that anyone in the modern era would still be fighting, albeit covertly, the American revolution.

    As Nir Shelter said. Particularly on the issue of plausibility. It doesn’t seem plausible that anyone in the modern era would still be fighting, albeit covertly, the American revolution.

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  2. Posted: April 12, 2015In: Public

    "An entitled man-child has one night to pay back a criminal debt, so he robs his own family?s restaurant."

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 13, 2015 at 2:12 am

    As Richiev and Tony Edward said. Except, it isn't always necessary to like the main character or sympathize with him. What is necessary is for the character to be compelling and interesting, his predicament urgent enough to keep us engaged even when we don't like him. I personally find nothing in thRead more

    As Richiev and Tony Edward said.

    Except, it isn’t always necessary to like the main character or sympathize with him. What is necessary is for the character to be compelling and interesting, his predicament urgent enough to keep us engaged even when we don’t like him.

    I personally find nothing in the character, or his predicament, or his choice to engage my interest. Certainly not my sympathy. He comes across as an immature weak character, lacking in scruples as well as cajones. Given the mistake he’s made, gotten in the hock to a loan shark, this is his strongest choice?

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  3. Posted: April 10, 2015In: Public

    After he's framed for murder, a young man must go on the run from the CIA with a ruthless assassin in order to shut down the black market crime syndicate that killed his parents and stop a devastating terrorist attack.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 10, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    >> he?s implicated If he was framed, then say "framed" And I still don't see how the framing has anything to do with what follows. It may be a problem, may be a ruse, but there doesn't seem to be a direct cause and effect between the framing and having to help the assassin. The protagonist's motivatRead more

    >> he?s implicated

    If he was framed, then say “framed”

    And I still don’t see how the framing has anything to do with what follows. It may be a problem, may be a ruse, but there doesn’t seem to be a direct cause and effect between the framing and having to help the assassin. The protagonist’s motivation for helping the assassin is to find the killer of his parents when, given the inciting incident, it should be to clear his name.

    If his goal is to find who killed his parents, then the logline should have an inciting incident that is clearly linked to that objective goal. A logline reader shouldn’t be left wondering or guessing how the inciting incident is causally linked to the objective goal.

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