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Terminally ill single dad romances a vulnerable heiress to procure a new home for his son, but his unexpected connection to her past jeopardizes his son’s life and thrusts fates of others into his hands, just as the time runs short.
Hello, this sounds very vague to me: "his unexpected connection to her past jeopardizes his son?s life and thrusts fates of others into his hands".
Hello,
See lessthis sounds very vague to me:
“his unexpected connection to her past jeopardizes his son?s life and thrusts fates of others into his hands”.
?In the desolate future, when a carefree and adventurous teenager is suddenly forced from his underground bunker into the world outside, he will have to mature quickly if he is to survive both the wilderness and the rogues that inhabit it.?
Hello, I suggest you to read this article about a script who shares some similarities with your concept: http://scriptshadow.net/screenplay-review-monster-problems/ It's the story of a young boy living in a bunker underground who decide to go outside to find a girl but this future world is full of bRead more
Hello,
I suggest you to read this article about a script who shares some similarities with your concept:
http://scriptshadow.net/screenplay-review-monster-problems/
It’s the story of a young boy living in a bunker underground who decide to go outside to find a girl but this future world is full of big monsters.
I think that if you can mention an objective reason for the boy to go outside we will have a better understanding of the plot.
And if you can change “the wilderness and the rogues that inhabit it” with something that can give the reader a visual picture of what there will be in the movie, the logline would be more powerful.
See lessAfter she barely survives a suicide attempt, a teenager, believing death is the best solution, records her experiences on her transformative journey to reclaim her life.
Hello, in my opinion you should build the logline writing about the main character journey.
Hello,
See lessin my opinion you should build the logline writing about the main character journey.