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Whenever a pain in the ass hitman sleeps, he always wakes up to a new future in the middle of his next hit until he decides to stay up and abandon mission, and discovers a thieves? guild?s plot to rob Big Pharm of a drug that grants immortal health, no sleep required.
Hello, I don't?think I?understand this logline... it seems a very complicated story.
Hello,
See lessI don’t?think I?understand this logline… it seems a very complicated story.
When a Talent Agency for Dogs is faced with imminent demise, a flamboyant receptionist has only 48 hours to convince the mid divorce agent, win the heart of a psychotic client and train his pooch to overcome stage fright in order to realize his dream and save the company.
Don't loose yourself in plot points, focus about the main character's flaw,?dream/goal, stakes. for exemple: "When his ugly pooch is diagnosed with cancer, an obsessive dog talent scout decide?to?find?a contract for him to pay?for his therapy"
Don’t loose yourself in plot points, focus about the main character’s flaw,?dream/goal, stakes.
for exemple:
“When his ugly pooch is diagnosed with cancer, an obsessive dog talent scout decide?to?find?a contract for him to pay?for his therapy”
See lessWhen a Talent Agency for Dogs loses its star, a secretary sees an opportunity for his own pooch. He ?just? has to convince the owner, a bellicose alcoholic, the mid divorce casting director and the psychotic German client while the pooch needs to overcome its stage fright.
Maybe you can add an adjective to describe?the main character (in this version of the logline, the secretary appears to be the main character). The story is taking shape, now you can condense it even more to have a shorter logline. You don't need to detail all the obstacles. It's better to tell whatRead more
Maybe you can add an adjective to describe?the main character (in this version of the logline, the secretary appears to be the main character).
The story is taking shape, now you can condense it even more to have a shorter logline. You don’t need to detail all the obstacles. It’s better to tell what exactly?is the final goal, which is kind of implicit here (saving the business?). Think about the opportunity to include a time bomb like a major contract about to be signed.
Why do you say “his own pooch” when he’s not the owner of the pooch? Maybe it can be his pooch, so the goal would be to make his dog a star (I imagine the character’s arc: the secretary is obsessed about the idea of making a star of his dog and finally he learn to appreciate his dog for what it is).
One more thing, can’t you find a more interesting job for the main character? A secretary is very anonymous.
I suggest you to read this script which shares some vague similarities with your story:
See lesshttp://scriptshadow.net/amateur-friday-dude-wheres-my-ferret/
(When a ?food scientist loses her company mascot (a ferret), she?need the help of the?pothead building superintendent to find the missing ferret).