1. Posted: March 21, 2016In:

    When a young mother encounters a random woman in a crowd, she is mysteriously filled with an unceasing desire to kill her, and must do so before the other woman kills her first.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, I could like this as a short movie. Two womans meat on a sidewalk and start a surreal deadly fight. Thius could be fun for 3-5 minutes. As a logline for a feature lenght movie, I think you need to give a better description of the plot. This can be a movie and the kind of movie that I like butRead more

    Hello, I could like this as a short movie. Two womans meat on a sidewalk and start a surreal deadly fight. Thius could be fun for 3-5 minutes. As a logline for a feature lenght movie, I think you need to give a better description of the plot. This can be a movie and the kind of movie that I like but a very difficult one to design. ?I think that the ‘mother’ element is not related to the plot so this element can be avoided.

    What about:

    “When a gentle librarian feels an unmotivated urge to kill a sunny waitress, she starts to organize her life about planning the perfect murder, but?her designed victim is doing the same”.

    I tried to embody the characters and give an hint about what we will see in the movie (the meticoulous planning of the murder). I avoided the world mysteriously because it is abused in amateur loglines.

    Good luck!

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  2. Posted: March 21, 2016In:

    When a nerdy Greek scholarship holder fall in love with his popstar fellow student, the young relationship goes through tough times as she is living in a celebrity bubble always busy when he needs her presence.

    FFF Mentor

    College? High School? I like the idea of a nerdy greek and a popstar togheter but I can't see a plot here. I make 2 suggestions: 1) figure out why exacly the greek NEED the support of his girlfriend. 2) figure out what is the main specific problem of their relationship. So, the nerdy greek will haveRead more

    College? High School?
    I like the idea of a nerdy greek and a popstar togheter but I can’t see a plot here. I make 2 suggestions: 1) figure out why exacly the greek NEED the support of his girlfriend. 2) figure out what is the main specific problem of their relationship.
    So, the nerdy greek will have a clear goal and a clear obstacle to overcome. And that will be a story.

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  3. Posted: March 22, 2016In:

    After being told by his son that he doesn?t want to be a farmer, a father must lovingly support his son?s departure while his own narcissistic father-in-law threatens to withhold his inheritance that could help save his cancer ridden wife?s life.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello,?some says that if you can't read a logline in one single breath there's a problem in the writing - I think this is the case of this logline. Anyway the plot is not very clear to me. Try to decide what is the real inciting event: there are too many events who happens one after the other but IRead more

    Hello,?some says that if you can’t read a logline in one single breath there’s a problem in the writing – I think this is the case of this logline. Anyway the plot is not very clear to me. Try to decide what is the real inciting event: there are too many events who happens one after the other but I can’t see a real story in motion (the cancer of his wife, the threath to lose his inheritance, the decision of the son to leave the farm life). There are ‘events’ but I can’t see actions. Maybe it’s just a problem of writing. Try to be more specific about everything: what the son ?exaclty wants to do (study law, being a rockstar, being a drag queen?). I can sense the tension and the conflict in the movie, this is good: the main character must deal with supporting his son and ?winning the money of his father in law. (By the way, isn’t it strange that his father in law doesn’t help his own daughter loving housband? If the money is for her cure). There is a magma of conflict and this is good, but what does the main character DO ? Maybe you’re writing a Tcheckov drama where feelings and dialogues and tensions are the matter, in this case polish the logline to make it elegant and smooth.

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