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A local birdman legend proves true when an uprooted and miserable preteen, in order to protect his new home and family from treasure hunters in search of a hidden fortune, seeks help from a disagreeable and secretive derelict inhabiting an ancient oak tree and finds he?s rewarded with a new optimism for life.
Hello, too many things in this logline, in my opinion. Maybe it would help to define one clear main character, his goal, one clear inciting event, and the main source of conflict.
Hello,
See lesstoo many things in this logline, in my opinion. Maybe it would help to define one clear main character, his goal, one clear inciting event, and the main source of conflict.
An alien woman comes to earth to mate with a deadbeat stoner. Only one thing stands in her way…a psychotically jealous, nut-job girlfriend.
Hello, I think you can easyly do it in one sentence. If you are writing a logline to test a concept and spot story problems before writing the actual script it would be better to avoid rethoric sentences like "Only one thing stands in her way?" : this doesn't help in spotting story problems, nor inRead more
Hello, I think you can easyly do it in one sentence. If you are writing a logline to test a concept and spot story problems before writing the actual script it would be better to avoid rethoric sentences like “Only one thing stands in her way?” : this doesn’t help in spotting story problems, nor in testing the concept.
Anyway, I like the concept.
‘When an alien woman find her only possible mate on earth, she must deal with his deadbeat stoner attitude and his psychotically jalous nut-job girlfriend’.
It could be funny, yes. I’m not sure the alien woman should be the main character. She’s not as powerfully described as the stoner and the nutjob girl. I would pick the stoner as a protagonist, so he will have 2 problems: the alien woman and his nutjob girlfriend.
Anyway, goodluck !
See lessDriven by the loss of his family to terrorism, the creator of pre-birth screening is led on a journey to discover the brave new world he thought he created just might be the nightmare he rallied against in his youth.
Hello, I don't understand the link between prebrith screening, terrorism, and ?a new world. I would focus on a single inciting event, a goal, and the source of conflict. I Recommend to do it in one short sentence. I'm a fan of a straight logline because it helps to spot story problems.
Hello, I don’t understand the link between prebrith screening, terrorism, and ?a new world. I would focus on a single inciting event, a goal, and the source of conflict. I Recommend to do it in one short sentence. I’m a fan of a straight logline because it helps to spot story problems.
See less