1. Posted: March 6, 2016In:

    When an abducted news reporter?s ransom remains unpaid, her timid stalker must infiltrate a ruthless kidnapping ring before she?s executed.

    FFF Mentor

    I miss some context... maybe you can specify what kind of kidnappers are they (today news reporters are kidnapped in Siria for exemple, and the movie would be different from a news reporter kidnapped in USA or Europe). And maybe you can include a clue about how the timid girl can track the kidnapperRead more

    I miss some context… maybe you can specify what kind of kidnappers are they (today news reporters are kidnapped in Siria for exemple, and the movie would be different from a news reporter kidnapped in USA or Europe). And maybe you can include a clue about how the timid girl can track the kidnappers, what is her lead that the police doesn’t have.

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  2. Posted: March 6, 2016In:

    When a 2 star Michelin chef is blackmailed by a cannibal, he must source the finest of human flesh for a feast to beat all feasts, or risk the cannibal revealing a secret that will ruin his credibility and his business.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, the shorter version is better (there's nothing more in the long version except words), it seems to me that the blackmail thing with the secret to be revealed take too much importance in the economy of the logline, it's a small detail, almost backstory,?maybe there's a way to put all this at tRead more

    Hello,

    the shorter version is better (there’s nothing more in the long version except words),

    it seems to me that the blackmail thing with the secret to be revealed take too much importance in the economy of the logline, it’s a small detail, almost backstory,?maybe there’s a way to put all this at the beginning of the sentence (when a cannibal threat to reveal his career destroying secret, or when a cannibal find his career destroying secret, a chef is forced to).

    Can you give a characterization to the cannibal? Is him a savage or an elegant psychiatrist: it’s important to include this kind of details.
    And a better characterization of the main character too (I don’t really care of Michelin, what is important to me it’s his flaw, his character.

    Is-it a career destroying secret or a jail going secret? are you specific?

    Then, what would be the main conflict that fuels the story? Who is the antagonist the cannibal can’t be the antagonist because the cannibal doesn’ t oppose to the chef sourcing meat)? What really the story is about? A chef who becomes a serial killer?

    I feel like ther is a good idea here but not a clear story yet.

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  3. Posted: March 6, 2016In:

    When a cynical surgeon renounces his ancestral ties with a cabalistic tradition, he becomes the target of a dark force and must battle a phantasmagorical creature unleashed by the dark force to destroy him and everything he holds dear.

    Best Answer
    FFF Mentor

    I like this one! I see just a couple of problems, 1-the main character is passive ("he finds himself the target"). Focus about his actions, more than his reactions. What does the main character do? 2-"a supernatural, dark force that unleashes a phantasmagorical, savage creature to destroy him and evRead more

    I like this one!

    I see just a couple of problems,

    1-the main character is passive (“he finds himself the target”). Focus about his actions, more than his reactions. What does the main character do?

    2-“a supernatural, dark force that unleashes a phantasmagorical, savage creature to destroy him and everything he holds dear.” this is a beautiful and rich prose but not appropriate for a logline. Too long and too vague an too complicated (a force that unleashes a creature… well A creature is enough!)

    One more thing, “estranged” is one of the most used adjective to characterize the protagonist. And?I alwayes feel like?the writer failed to find a truly appropriate adjective. What I like is when?the adjective makes sense with the story, be linked to another element, it represent a flaw to be overcome.

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