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When intruders break into her home, the ghost of a paraplegic must save her unsuspecting husband from the intruders’ sinister plan that involves planting venomous snakes in the husband’s closet.
I like A LOT the concept of a paraplegic fighting ?intruders but the logline need to be clear. "she?s actually dead",?actually? The problem is that the reader (me) has no clues about what actually is a dead paraplegic... a kind of ghost? I can't picture this movie in my mind with such a vague descriRead more
I like A LOT the concept of a paraplegic fighting ?intruders but the logline need to be clear.
“she?s actually dead”,?actually?
The problem is that the reader (me) has no clues about what actually is a dead paraplegic… a kind of ghost? I can’t picture this movie in my mind with such a vague description of the main character.
And no idea of what kind of interactions a ghost can have with the intruders.
“from the intruders? sinister plan”. You can avoid this sentence because it’s vague, it doesn’t mean anything – 2 possibilities, tell us what is the plan, tell us nothing. A logline is not a teaser.
See less.
I agree with the previous comments, "unravel her own existence" means nothing in a logline. (It could work in a tagline or in a teaser, not in a logline). Then, be sure that everythink is well linked and logic. Why you say that she need to "save" him? It's not clear what is the danger for him.
I agree with the previous comments,
“unravel her own existence” means nothing in a logline. (It could work in a tagline or in a teaser, not in a logline).
Then, be sure that everythink is well linked and logic. Why you say that she need to “save” him? It’s not clear what is the danger for him.
See lessThe hunt for a spy takes a twist when an innocent bystander in a public park is mistaken for a government agent. (short film)
Unless it is an "experimental" short film, I think the logline should have all the main elements, so I would write from the point of view of the main character, I would identify a clear inciting event, and I would include the conflict that create the action we see in the short film. "When an innocenRead more
Unless it is an “experimental” short film, I think the logline should have all the main elements, so I would write from the point of view of the main character, I would identify a clear inciting event, and I would include the conflict that create the action we see in the short film.
See less“When an innocent bystander is mistaken for a gouvernement agent… ” then what happens ?