1. Posted: October 6, 2015In:

    After a mega storm a single mum rush home to find her teenage daughter missing and an escaped prisoner waiting. She must help him escape to find out what he has done with her daughter.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, if the prisoner escaped it's not clear why she must help him to escape (maybe she must help him to hide or to leave the country). The storm may be an exellent setting but I find it useless in the logline. Maybe, you can be more specific about the prisoner (it would be a very different movie iRead more

    Hello,
    if the prisoner escaped it’s not clear why she must help him to escape (maybe she must help him to hide or to leave the country).

    The storm may be an exellent setting but I find it useless in the logline.

    Maybe, you can be more specific about the prisoner (it would be a very different movie if he’s a political prisoner or a murderer or a rapist)

    I personally like the ‘standard’ logline structure, something like

    When the only witness of her daughter’s disappearing is a political prisoner on the run,?a single mother must help him hiding if she wants to have her daughter back.

    if the movie is about a ‘one night’ during a storm, then:

    In one stormy night, a single mother must hide an escapee if she want to find out what happened to her daughter.

    I think this can work!

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  2. Posted: October 2, 2015In:

    A very rich and upright businessman has been diagnosed with a disease that requires an organ transplant. He now considers buying an organ from the black market and is under pressure to cut corners to survive.

    FFF Mentor

    Is this businessman your main character? In reading the logline I'd like to see him die quickly :) But! But if he has a clear goal like finding his new organ, and he dedicates?to it with passion the movie can work. He?can redeem himsel at the end. On not. It's not clear to me what the business man dRead more

    Is this businessman your main character? In reading the logline I’d like to see him die quickly 🙂 But! But if he has a clear goal like finding his new organ, and he dedicates?to it with passion the movie can work. He?can redeem himsel at the end. On not.

    It’s not clear to me what the business man does, I imagine him putting his money on the table and wait for his kidney, what else?

    When an upright businessman is diagnosed with a deadly disease, he….

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  3. Posted: October 2, 2015In:

    An ex-convict trying to get his life right finds himself framed in a huge corporate scam, he must utilize his street skills to prove his innocence

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, I agree with the previous comment, the interest of the movie is in what happens- what kind of corporate scam? Why/how is he framed in the scam? "An ex-convict trying to get his life right ", this is a classic setting and it works fine but then I feel like I need something really 'crazy'.

    Hello,
    I agree with the previous comment,

    the interest of the movie is in what happens- what kind of corporate scam? Why/how is he framed in the scam?

    “An ex-convict trying to get his life right “, this is a classic setting and it works fine but then I feel like I need something really ‘crazy’.

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