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A self confident hitman relives along a nightmarish night the killing of his last victim.
Hello, I don't understand what you mean by "relives". "To undergo or experience again, especially in the imagination". I can't imagine what the movie will be about... twice the same killing in the same way? In the reality? I'm confused. Or are you trying to say that the movie starts with the man whoRead more
Hello,
I don’t understand what you mean by “relives”.
“To undergo or experience again, especially in the imagination”.
I can’t imagine what the movie will be about… twice the same killing in the same way? In the reality?
I’m confused. Or are you trying to say that the movie starts with the man who have killed his victim and ‘remember’ all he did? If this is the case you should build the logline telling what happened instead of explaining the design principle of the movie.
Anyway, even the ‘story driven’ movies have well defined characters, goals, antagonists.
I heard good things about “schneider vs bax” where a “easy” contract becomes tragically(comically) “hard”.
“On his birthday, a hitman reluctantly takes on the easy task of killing a writer, only to find the job a lot more difficult than expected”. (from imdb – this is a teasing logline not a perfect working logline)
See lessAfter a massive earthquake severs all communication, a scientist in an undersea lab must come to terms with one of two terrifying facts, that he is losing his sanity or that he is not alone.
Hello, it's not bad. I see it like a little sci-fi/horror movie like "moon" where a lonely man on a space station starts hallucinating. To increase the potential of the logline you could give some details about what kind of 'presence' is haunting the lab and maybe you can try to resolve the end of tRead more
Hello,
it’s not bad.
I see it like a little sci-fi/horror movie like “moon” where a lonely man on a space station starts hallucinating.
To increase the potential of the logline you could give some details about what kind of ‘presence’ is haunting the lab and maybe you can try to resolve the end of the logline in a less teasing way.
I suggest to make the logline shorter?avoiding “massive”.
Describe the main character with one adjective (well chosen), stress the irony or his flow or whatever make sense with the plot. Is him a widow like the solitary hallucinating astrounaut of “solaris”?
See lessWhen a survivor of a train crash disrupts her life, a young woman must overcome her circle?s hostility and cope with the abortion she denied for ten years
I would ban the word "strange" from the logline vocabulary. You can tell what is strange instead. "a young woman" is still too vague. Is there anything in the character which is compelling and organic with the story? I can't see the logic between the inciting event (what put the story in motion) andRead more
I would ban the word “strange” from the logline vocabulary. You can tell what is strange instead.
“a young woman” is still too vague. Is there anything in the character which is compelling and organic with the story?
I can’t see the logic between the inciting event (what put the story in motion) and the story. How a survivor from a train crash can have some infleunce on her circle and her psychology? The logic must be clear.
“circle hostility” is still vague.
ten year -> why not 5? 15? the detail is not really relevant.
I encourage you to work on a solid logic that links all the elements and avoid everything that is not clearly linked to the plot. For exemple, you said a “train accident” – why not a car? no difference right? so this detail have no interest. You must find which caracteristic or action of this?survivor is actually relevant to the plot. Or make it relevant.
For exemple:
“when a survivor of a train crash starts stalking a lonely train?conductor, she must cope with his madness if she wants to find her son who disappeared?in the same accident”
maybe the son doesn’t really exists and this is her path to cope with her denied abortion, the survivor is the catalyzer.
You don’t have to spoil the suprises but you need to be coherent, logic, organic. If you forget to be coherent you will produce meaningless loglines like “when a dinasaur kill her dentist a young antiques?dealer must fight his husband to save the earth from an grasshopper invasion”.
I suggest also to ask yourself what interests you in your logline and build around it. When you write a movie you spend several month on it and if you’re not “in love” with something in your logline it will be very very difficult to write a good script.
I hope this help! ?good luck!
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