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Updated: When an Eskimo grandmother is abandoned by her migrating family during a famine, she struggles to survive through a bitter winter until?the ?spring ?thaw.
After being abandoned by her family, an Eskimo grandmother must survive the famine of a bitter winter until spring arrives. The problem with this is the generic "survival only." While I'm sure you can make a movie of her struggles, it really is only "surviving" unless you have a phenomenal series ofRead more
After being abandoned by her family, an Eskimo grandmother must survive the famine of a bitter winter until spring arrives.
The problem with this is the generic “survival only.” While I’m sure you can make a movie of her struggles, it really is only “surviving” unless you have a phenomenal series of hurdles for granny to overcome, what else does she really have to do? If she wasn’t intentionally abandoned and only lost, then I can see her survival to get back to her family as a great feel good goal.
Otherwise, how does this play out?
Does granny make it through the winter only to still have her family not want her? That’s not very fulfilling. What other big goal does she have to survive for? Is there anything we can include in the log?
See lessA selfish billionaire businessman went to NYC were he got kidnapped by his opponents, and left to die in a small old room.
Take a look at the wonderful resources for writing loglines that this site has to offer. Yours is written in past tense and doesn't work to generate a hook. Write what must be done, why and what will not be achieved or lost if such act is not done.
Take a look at the wonderful resources for writing loglines that this site has to offer.
Yours is written in past tense and doesn’t work to generate a hook. Write what must be done, why and what will not be achieved or lost if such act is not done.
See lessAn introverted student is infatuated with her flamboyant flatmate, but when fatal ?accidents? befall her flatmate?s lovers, she must clean up not only to keep her flatmate out of trouble, but ultimately to save herself.
You mention "flatemate" 3 times in this log -- no good. Why is it important as to which type of residence they live in as to the story plot? Must clean up what and how? Is it illegal, the clean-up process? I suspect that you are having the flatmate get involved in something much deeper and dangerousRead more
You mention “flatemate” 3 times in this log — no good. Why is it important as to which type of residence they live in as to the story plot? Must clean up what and how? Is it illegal, the clean-up process?
I suspect that you are having the flatmate get involved in something much deeper and dangerous, yet you don’t provide any clues as to what it is. Can you maybe provide a hint as to what the roomate must be into? How long does the protag have to clean this mess up?
Try to include the “relationship” as the goal for cleaning up the mess — this is something I would want to see resolved for sure.
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