1. Posted: October 24, 2017In:

    Novel: A french teenager runs away to fulfill his dream of becoming an actor in L.A.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    Great start. Add a tiny bit more. Is there a something that will happen if he doesn't get a gig in a certain amount of time? Or something else? A "and then what?"

    Great start. Add a tiny bit more. Is there a something that will happen if he doesn’t get a gig in a certain amount of time? Or something else? A “and then what?”

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  2. Posted: October 24, 2017In:

    Novel: In a supernatural world where superpowers are common, a likeable teenager discovers he possesses a power known to be cursed. Cast out by society, he will go on a journey to learn the origin of his power and prove to himself and the society he can be better than the curse.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    Since he already discovered the power, wouldn't he be lying to himself if he has to then prove it isn't real? Hard to root for that in a protag. Do you mean he's in danger if society discovers he's different? Hardly a nice "supernatural society".

    Since he already discovered the power, wouldn’t he be lying to himself if he has to then prove it isn’t real? Hard to root for that in a protag.

    Do you mean he’s in danger if society discovers he’s different? Hardly a nice “supernatural society”.

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  3. Posted: October 24, 2017In:

    Novel: When his critically ill mother tells him to stop drifting through life, a penpusher leaves his entire life behind to go on an adventure and pursue his dream of finding a legendary animal in the heart of south america.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    So basically, it's the deceased mother's story? That's a red flag.

    So basically, it’s the deceased mother’s story? That’s a red flag.

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