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a young rain-maker must quickly master her abilities to save the kingdom from the Ruler of storms
I agree with all of the above. You are super close to having a solid logline -and I like the concept, too!"Mastering her abilities" sounds like she must sit down and study what she knows she has. I think the best examples of character growth come from discovering inner values the character does notRead more
I agree with all of the above. You are super close to having a solid logline -and I like the concept, too!
“Mastering her abilities” sounds like she must sit down and study what she knows she has. I think the best examples of character growth come from discovering inner values the character does not know they have.
See lessA dead husband waits to be reunited with his wife, but he isn’t the only one waiting.
To avoid a passive character: get him to actually do something for his wife to come to him, in the afterlife. It can a special prayer or a spell or an arrangement with God or the Devil or a sacrifice. He may choose to spend 1000 years in hell just to be with her for the rest of eternity. But then, tRead more
To avoid a passive character: get him to actually do something for his wife to come to him, in the afterlife. It can a special prayer or a spell or an arrangement with God or the Devil or a sacrifice. He may choose to spend 1000 years in hell just to be with her for the rest of eternity.
But then, there is a twist: she comes with another man. Who is this man and why she chose to die with him is up to you.
Finally, what must he do to win her back? The Action.
See lessA teen mom is almost old enough to leave home, but her gypsy family criminal ways will make her the victim instead.
By checking the useful page of Our Formula, you will see the three essential elements of a strong logline:EventCharacterAction1. EventWhat's the story's inciting incident? The fact that she got old enough to leave home? How dramatic is that as an event? Don't we need something surprising and dramatiRead more
By checking the useful page of Our Formula, you will see the three essential elements of a strong logline:
1. Event
What’s the story’s inciting incident? The fact that she got old enough to leave home? How dramatic is that as an event? Don’t we need something surprising and dramatic?
2. Character
A teen Gypsy mom, I guess? She wants to leave home, but she has some domineering relatives.
3. Action
Missing. You have nothing for her to do, during the whole film. As Richiev said, “Becoming a victim is not a story.”
By the way, by writing “her gypsy family criminal ways” you show prejudice: since she is a Gypsy, her family must have some criminal ways. It is also syntactically wrong. The correct form (still prejudiced though) is “the criminal ways of her Gypsy family.”
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