1. Posted: February 15, 2019In:

    ???? ???? ???? ???? ??????? ????,??? ???? ?????? ?? ???? ??????? ??????? ???? ?????? ?? ?? ???? ?? ???? ??????? ???? ???? ???????? ??? ??? ???? ??? ??????.

    giannisggeorgiou Samurai

    Google translate, then:A simple employee who works as a limousine driver at night, finds himself involved in a trip by kidnapping a girl to discover that his opponent is a teenager who wants revenge on him and that girl's father.OK, I would probably get rid of "simple employee working as" ("???? ???Read more

    Google translate, then:

    A simple employee who works as a limousine driver at night, finds himself involved in a trip by kidnapping a girl to discover that his opponent is a teenager who wants revenge on him and that girl’s father.

    OK, I would probably get rid of “simple employee working as” (“???? ???? ????”) and start straight with night limo driver (“???? ??????? ????”).

    Then, I got confused. Does the protagonist kidnap the girl? Why would he do such a thing?

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  2. Posted: February 16, 2019In:

    After dropping his wedding band in a wishing well, a dissatisfied middle-aged husband discovers he can experience life if he hadn?t got married simply by removing his wedding ring, but must choose which life to lead when his ring?s power begins to fade.

    giannisggeorgiou Samurai

    CHARACTER: a dissatisfied middle-aged husband will do, I think. Dissatisfied, because he must flirt with the other side, and middle-aged, because he must be married long enough to justify the aforementioned flirting. EVENT: The wedding ring gets enchanted (I don't care much about how it happens?wishRead more

    CHARACTER: a dissatisfied middle-aged husband will do, I think. Dissatisfied, because he must flirt with the other side, and middle-aged, because he must be married long enough to justify the aforementioned flirting.

    EVENT: The wedding ring gets enchanted (I don’t care much about how it happens?wishing well or not) and the protagonist realises that he has the power to live two lives; married and single, by wearing and removing it, respectively. Great! An Out of the Bottle type of story with potential for character growth.

    ACTION: To choose… Hmm. It has been said often in this forum: choice is a momentary action, not one that can drive a movie.

    Moreover, “choose which life to lead”leaves us in the dark, as far as the plot is concerned. It is too generic.

    Why not come up with a specific goal, instead?

    Since this kind of story is about appreciation of what one has (once the magic fades away, the protagonist is back at his previous life, but wiser), the story has to be about his relationship with his wife (and kids, if any?I would recommend yes). Rediscovering something that has been lost. It has to be about appreciating his family.

    And the parallel new universe serves as an opportunity (through some external goal) to get to this appreciation.

    For example, in the “single” universe, his wife is obviously not his wife, but the wife of his boss. Or her boss. The boss appears in both universes.

    (I can’t seem to get that episode of Family Guy out of my head, where Peter lives a parallel universe where Lois is married to Quagmire.)

    One final note: is a wedding band not the same as a wedding ring? I suggest you use only one term, to avoid confusion.

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  3. Posted: December 27, 2018In:

    Inspired by real events, an irreligious man tormented by supernatural disturbances in his newly-purchased home must seek help from unfamiliar sources when he learns he is dealing with the fiery spirits of Islamic lore?the Jinn.

    giannisggeorgiou Samurai

    @ Nir Shelter:The specific theology is irrelevant and the type of spirit has no impact on the story.I definitely see your point. However, being a member of the western world and having been exposed to the strong and classic imagery of The Exorcist?as well as other Christianity-based supernatural movRead more

    @ Nir Shelter:

    The specific theology is irrelevant and the type of spirit has no impact on the story.

    I definitely see your point. However, being a member of the western world and having been exposed to the strong and classic imagery of The Exorcist?as well as other Christianity-based supernatural movies?the “an atheist must work with an exorcist” part brings all the Catholic clich?s to mind. On the contrary, the Muslim element was what got me hooked with the concept. It’s fresh, it’s diverse, I think it should be kept in.

    Moreover, I find the definition of the demon as a jinn (or djinn) also important?even if admittedly it is a little elaborate. Considering that jinns were part of the pre-Islamic mythology, this gives us the idea that the demon is unknown ground not only for the atheist, but for the Muslim exorcist as well.

    Other than that, I agree 100% with your definition of the story’s inner/outer conflict:

    What matters most is that you have a man who doesn?t believe in God (or the supernatural) but is forced to deal with it directly.

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