1. Posted: January 30, 2018In:

    When a brutal warrior is blinded in a fight, he must go with the woman he tried to save to a magic river to get his eye sight healed before they’re both hunted by a cannibal tribe.

    henb Samurai

    'He must go with the woman he tried to save to a magic river to get his eye sight healed', I would change this to explain why he must travel with the woman, and 'he tried to save' would sound better if it is just 'he saved' and I think it would be cool if you explain what he saved her from. Unless iRead more

    ‘He must go with the woman he tried to save to a magic river to get his eye sight healed’, I would change this to explain why he must travel with the woman, and ‘he tried to save’ would sound better if it is just ‘he saved’ and I think it would be cool if you explain what he saved her from. Unless it’s the ghost of a woman he failed to save, then I think you should specify that. Instead of ‘magic’ I would choose a less-common word, like ‘blessed’ or ‘mystical’, and ‘to get his eye sight healed’ could be shortened: ‘to heal his eyes’.

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  2. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    Spoon on the Wall

    henb Samurai

    I feel the 'undercover policewoman' needs a descriptor for her personality, or for her past. 'Lures... into a sexual relationship' sounds a little menacing, perhaps you could make this sound more procedural, while solidifying that this must be done to bring down the drug dealers.I would introduce thRead more

    I feel the ‘undercover policewoman’ needs a descriptor for her personality, or for her past. ‘Lures… into a sexual relationship’ sounds a little menacing, perhaps you could make this sound more procedural, while solidifying that this must be done to bring down the drug dealers.

    I would introduce the ending to your logline first, then introduce the policewoman, then explain her objective.

    Here’s an example: Infiltration of a cocaine trafficking ring relies solely on the undercover mission of an inexperienced policewoman, involving a false love interest in a violent and ambitious member of the Albanian mafia.

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  3. Posted: May 29, 2019In:

    A closeted, sultry actress and a depressed, overachieving high school senior begrudgingly form a bond to overthrow a crazed anarchist bent on strengthening the divide between their two different lifestyles.

    henb Samurai

    I really like this logline. The descriptions of the two leads are very good! I think 'begrudgingly form a bond' could be made to sound more interesting, and you could also add why it is them who has to band together to bring down the anarchist.? The second-half to your logline is really intriguing aRead more

    I really like this logline. The descriptions of the two leads are very good! I think ‘begrudgingly form a bond’ could be made to sound more interesting, and you could also add why it is them who has to band together to bring down the anarchist.? The second-half to your logline is really intriguing and has the capacity for great action, drama, and comedy, and makes this a movie I really want to see.

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