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"When the President is kidnapped, the First Lady, a former Marine, leads a rescue mission to take down the terrorist with direct roots to the White House"
As fare as loglines go this one is pretty well constructed perfectly. The inciting incident is clear, the kidnapping of the president. The main character is obvious and whats even better is that you've given her a clear and precise goal. Other positive elements include the brief background (former mRead more
As fare as loglines go this one is pretty well constructed perfectly. The inciting incident is clear, the kidnapping of the president. The main character is obvious and whats even better is that you’ve given her a clear and precise goal. Other positive elements include the brief background (former marine). This indicates a possible flaw in the character, as in why she is no longer a marine.
My main criticism is just that the wording at the end is a bit confused. Do u mean that the terrorist has direct links with the white house? not very clear.
Could be written like “…leads a rescue mission against an assailant who has a suspicious knowledge of the white houses security”….or something like that but probably better ha
hope that helps at all
See lessWhen a woman has to leave her abusive husband, she moves to a remote community and must unite them with a school singing competition.
I Like the idea that its an inspirational comedy. The concept of the school singing contest works really well in this way. I think with the logline you could save some words. Rather than saying that she has to leave her abusive husband, just say that she leaves her abusive husband, the fact that he'Read more
I Like the idea that its an inspirational comedy. The concept of the school singing contest works really well in this way.
See lessI think with the logline you could save some words. Rather than saying that she has to leave her abusive husband, just say that she leaves her abusive husband, the fact that he’s abusive is enough to motivate her.
With the extra words now you could mention (only briefly) why she has to unite this community (this should also imply why a school singing comp is the key). For example “a once vibrant town/ a down-and-out town/” etc but something better than that ha
An immortal warrior-princess from another universe unexpectedly falls in love with a human boy while hunting the shapechanger that murdered her parents.
It would be easy enough to do what Karel suggests if you just change the structure a little. For example... "While hunting the shape-shifter that killed her parents an immortal Princess from another universe falls in love with a human boy (who must choose/who must help/who is forbidden/)... etc" thiRead more
It would be easy enough to do what Karel suggests if you just change the structure a little.
See lessFor example… “While hunting the shape-shifter that killed her parents an immortal Princess from another universe falls in love with a human boy (who must choose/who must help/who is forbidden/)… etc” this way it also highlights what the human boys role is in the film as well as his relationship to her.
But I think it sounds like a really interesting idea. good work