1. Posted: June 14, 2012In:

    Backtrack

    jamesmichael Penpusher

    Sharkeatingman. whats your actual name sorry, so I can post it on the site thanks for your feed back too

    Sharkeatingman. whats your actual name sorry, so I can post it on the site
    thanks for your feed back too

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  2. Posted: June 6, 2012In:

    She was always trying to "Figure things out." So, I pumped her full of lead. "Figure this out" I said.

    jamesmichael Penpusher

    Is this a quote from the script? cause that's what it sounds like. It might even be a tagline, it does succeed in getting my interest a little, but only a little. You need go here https://loglines.org/howto/ and read how to write a proper logline. You need your protagonist (possibly with a flaw he nRead more

    Is this a quote from the script? cause that’s what it sounds like. It might even be a tagline, it does succeed in getting my interest a little, but only a little. You need go here https://loglines.org/howto/ and read how to write a proper logline.

    You need your protagonist (possibly with a flaw he needs to overcome is always good), the inciting incident that causes the script to propel forward and his goal, i.e what he wants to achieve from his journey. If you throw all these into it and leave out vague references to specific scenes in the script then the logline will come together alot easier.

    hope that helps

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  3. Posted: June 1, 2012In:

    The story of a boy who can teleport throughout space and time, and his eventual self-inflicted downfall.

    jamesmichael Penpusher

    good idea but it reads more like a synopsis than anything. A little too vague. You want to start off with the inciting incident. For example has he always been able to travel through time or is this a new thing. If its not a new thing than what happens at the beginning to spark this eventual downfalRead more

    good idea but it reads more like a synopsis than anything. A little too vague.

    You want to start off with the inciting incident. For example has he always been able to travel through time or is this a new thing. If its not a new thing than what happens at the beginning to spark this eventual downfall. After this incident what must he do to stop whatever it is from happening?

    For example “when a boy who can travel through space and time (meets/loses/finds ect) he must (stop/go back in time/change whatever) before it leads to his eventual downfall” just an example

    When you have this in there then this might make his overall goal a little more obvious, which you should then add to the logline too.

    hope this helps
    cheers

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