1. Posted: February 26, 2013In:

    A renowned FBI agent must stop the world's most powerful man before he brings the planet to the brink of environmental destruction.

    JanCabal Logliner

    I think that there have been billion of movies like that. What makes movie original? Your logline applies for half of a Hollywood adventures. Who is most renowned agent of the movie world? James Bond. I would try to restrain from this word. This genre is so profaned that it's very hard to come up wiRead more

    I think that there have been billion of movies like that. What makes movie original? Your logline applies for half of a Hollywood adventures.

    Who is most renowned agent of the movie world? James Bond. I would try to restrain from this word.

    This genre is so profaned that it’s very hard to come up with something new. Good luck mate

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  2. Posted: February 26, 2013In:

    Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings during the slave-trade era, a youngboy struggles to attain peace as he unwittingly rekindles an age long war.

    JanCabal Logliner

    "Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings" would be a B-story from main goal - stop the war. Stop the war is primal, simple, three word goal. "Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings" is complicated, confusing, thorny and misleading from the main goal. It diverts you from the main plot. The logRead more

    “Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings” would be a B-story from main goal – stop the war.

    Stop the war is primal, simple, three word goal. “Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings” is complicated, confusing, thorny and misleading from the main goal. It diverts you from the main plot.

    The logline is a tool, that helps you to find out potential weaknesses of your story. If you struggle so hard to put it in a simple way, I would suggest to try an another way how to tell the story.

    What helps me to set things right, is slow analysis:

    Kid sets things in motion (ancient war) by some action (reading a book or releasing a spell or something) question – how was he able to do that? mention that in the logline, as its a part of inciting incident and it can give us a clue what kind of movie it will be (horror, comedy, teenage fantasy like twillight, or movie for kids, like Jumanji or Hook). However, the point of movie would be probably curse? He has done it because he is curious, reckless, rebellious – and now he must become patient, grow up in order to achieve his goal

    He must to fix the problem (stop the war, primal thing) – this is his goal

    If he fails, something primal must happen or we (the audience) don’t care and story is bad. Someone can die, or he dies, or he loose a family in other way, or something important or valuable will be destroyed (Earth, City, something big enough to make us care).

    What perhaps makes it confusing is the explanation, how he can set a past thing in motion. He travel in time back? Maybe if he won’t set things right, his own birth can be put at stake? Or destroying of Europe. One thing that can help you to narrow the story is main antagonist, who will now win a war he would have lost, because the kid altered the past?

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  3. Posted: February 26, 2013In:

    When a rebellious bigoted Hells Angel member is shot by a Notorius gang member, his Irish, Jewish great grandmother takes his spirit back to her life in nineteenth century Ireland to see the effects of ignorance and to change his attitudes while his sister and the sister of the boy who shot him investigate what led to the incident.

    JanCabal Logliner

    Try to read this logline aloud while not not reading it. Memorize it. Then ask your friend to listen to your logline. Imagine you have only one shot. And then ask him if he can tell you back whats the story about. I hope you see my point. Because you will be exactly in the same situation when you wiRead more

    Try to read this logline aloud while not not reading it. Memorize it. Then ask your friend to listen to your logline. Imagine you have only one shot. And then ask him if he can tell you back whats the story about.

    I hope you see my point. Because you will be exactly in the same situation when you will logline this to possible producer.

    So, in order to make it possible to memorize for your friend, and for yourself, focus only on the major events of the story.

    If I understand it well, the main goal of your movie is inner journey of your protag. He is an ass, so his grandmother (Italian, Chinese, doesn’t matter) decides to punish him. If he wants to go back, he must improve his attitude. Focus on that.

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