Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A reckless government agent learns his long lost brother is a test subject of a government experiment, leading him to team with terrorists to mount a rescue.
Hi bro, I would try to find a substitute for government as that word is strong like hell and it resonates in my head whenever I read your logline aloud (may be my own subjective feeling). If you say military experiment, I think that military connects in people brains. Its also better to start with WRead more
Hi bro,
I would try to find a substitute for government as that word is strong like hell and it resonates in my head whenever I read your logline aloud (may be my own subjective feeling). If you say military experiment, I think that military connects in people brains.
Its also better to start with When, If, While, As ….
“Leading him” is passive too. And the whole second sentence just feel no good, there would be a plenty other options to alter it.
Reckless is also a negative perk. But that’s ok when you mention the path your hero has to go, like he has to (internal change) to be able to safe him.
Like:
See lessWhen a reckless government agent learns that his long lost brother is a test subject in a military experiment, he join terrorists and leads an attack for his rescue.
When 13 year old Bob decide to handover certain family artifacts and heirlooms of over 300 years to the British National Museum, an ancient war resumes and to stop the war, Bob has to go into the past to right the wrongs made by his ancestors.
As sharkeatingman once replied to me, writing loglines is an excellent tool to uncover potential weaknesses of the script in the entire beginning of the process. And I have to agree. You can spend one week shaping up your logline to save months writing the script which you won't sell - because you wRead more
As sharkeatingman once replied to me, writing loglines is an excellent tool to uncover potential weaknesses of the script in the entire beginning of the process. And I have to agree. You can spend one week shaping up your logline to save months writing the script which you won’t sell – because you will fail to present it to someone who matter with an intriguing logline. It helps you to identify basics – protagonist, antagonist, inciting incident, goals and whats a at stake.
“He have to correct mistakes” is very unclear whats going on – It can be minor thing, or it can be chain of important events and smart manipulations. Trait of a hero may give us a clue how he will do that. Cunningt, genius, courageous …
Lines about history if its 300 or 500 does not matter in the logline. Same goes for the name of protagonist or which museum it is. You can save some words by cutting that out.
Hope it helps!
See lessAfter his band loses their only booking, a narcissistic musician goes back in time to steal hits before they're famous. But when his scheme leads Kurt Cornell, his musical idol, to suicidal depression, he must overcome his own lust for fame in order to save Kurt's life.
Not sure about narcissistic, as it is negative trait, maybe ambitious sounds little bit better? Names are also not important, just adds words into logline. Musical idol suffice, who knows, maybe producer would like to promote Justin Bieber lol. What about: While abusing his time travel ability to stRead more
Not sure about narcissistic, as it is negative trait, maybe ambitious sounds little bit better? Names are also not important, just adds words into logline. Musical idol suffice, who knows, maybe producer would like to promote Justin Bieber lol.
What about:
While abusing his time travel ability to steal hits before they become famous, an ambitious musician cause suicidal tendencies in his idol and to safe him, he must overcome his own lust.
Its little cheese, but I cut down from 47 to 32 words.
I hope it helps! Its great premise!
See less