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With stars in his eyes, small-town dreamer Dean arrives in Los Angeles only to have his Midwestern values destroyed as he encounters sex, lies, murder, and the realization that people are not always what–or who–they seem.
When you remove Dean, you go down one word, With stars in his eyes is a 5word version of dreamer ;) Cut that out too and its 30 words! What or who ? I don't know if you need that here. Makes it longer with no difference or impact. Just Who may suffice? Small-town dreamer arrives in Los Angeles onlyRead more
When you remove Dean, you go down one word, With stars in his eyes is a 5word version of dreamer 😉 Cut that out too and its 30 words! What or who ? I don’t know if you need that here. Makes it longer with no difference or impact. Just Who may suffice?
Small-town dreamer arrives in Los Angeles only to have his Midwestern values destroyed as he encounters sex, lies, murder and the realisation that people are not always who they seem.
On the other hand ? people are not always who they seem could be put into deceive,? and then you may even have some space for inner journey, outcome or antagonist.
See lessWhile trapped in an underground laboratory, rational woman fights insanity to survive attacks of man-eating monsters and searches for her brother who is a cause of all the mess. Version 3
Version 4: While trapped in an underground laboratory and fighting for survival with man-eating monsters, determined woman searches for her brother who is a key to all the horror.
Version 4:
While trapped in an underground laboratory and fighting for survival with man-eating monsters, determined woman searches for her brother who is a key to all the horror.
See lessTabloid journalist David Cross discovers a secret military base guarding a mysterious mansion — claimed to be associated with the disappearances of several community members, in the woods of a rural Indiana town and is forced to take refuge inside.
We are now on the word hunt ? we want to shoot down any extra word to get down from 40 to 30. The names ? they are not important for logline. Instead of Tabloid journalist David cross, lets do it just Tabloid journalist?. And rural Indiana town ? cross out Indiana. How important is word tabloid? AndRead more
We are now on the word hunt ? we want to shoot down any extra word to get down from 40 to 30.
The names ? they are not important for logline. Instead of Tabloid journalist David cross, lets do it just Tabloid journalist?. And rural Indiana town ? cross out Indiana. How important is word tabloid? And why tabloid journalist investigates people disappearing? Is it connected with the movie content? Or its important for implying some sort of a journey that bored L.A. tabloid journalist smells an opportunity to deliver killer article? Secret military base guarding a mysterious mansion. Lets get it shorter too. Remove one of it: secret or mysterious. I vote for mysterious. Community members could be persons/people.
With all implied, it sounds like this:
Journalist discovers a secret base guarding a mansion in the woods of rural town ? connected with missing people, and its forced to take refuge inside.
Telling the same information I went down to 26,, which give you some room to enhance elements you consider important, as perhaps can be tabloid?, mysterious? or even mention an antagonist which will reinforce the structure of your movie, or mentioning a path your hero have to take, or something what will change him on his way.
With that there could be several versions:
Antagonist:
Journalist discovers a secret base guarding a mansion in the woods of rural town ? connected with missing people, and its forced by mercenaries to take refuge inside.
Journalist discovers a secret base guarding a mansion in the woods of rural town ? connected with missing people, and after forced refuge inside he is chased by ghosts!
Inner path:
See lessBored tabloid journalist discovers a secret base guarding a mansion in the woods of rural town ? connected with missing people, and in pursue of his career he takes refuge inside.