1. Posted: February 18, 2013In:

    A perfectionist contract killer is drafted by two mobsters to assassinate their Don. Twenty nine hours later in a bizarre twist of fate his meticulously calculated hit goes wrong and he kills the wrong man. He has only two hours to learn the identity of his betrayer.

    JanCabal Logliner

    The best, how to start a logline, is with After, As, While, When, as it automatically gives you a tool to tell as as many information in one sentence as possible. After his assassination goes wrong by mistakenly removing wrong character, perfectionist killer has only two hours to identify his betrayRead more

    The best, how to start a logline, is with After, As, While, When, as it automatically gives you a tool to tell as as many information in one sentence as possible.

    After his assassination goes wrong by mistakenly removing wrong character, perfectionist killer has only two hours to identify his betrayer or ? what’s at stake? Atomic bomb explodes/world crashes/kitty dies.

    Hopefully it helped 😉

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  2. Posted: February 14, 2013In:

    When friends miss their hotel reservation, they seek refuge from snowstorm in abandoned factory only to fight for survival against ancient witch hiding there.

    JanCabal Logliner

    Thanx guys. The point with to specify the age and in which part of a rectangle it fits is very good. It would be students to aim in that 17-25. College students makes it more clear, however its one extra word and students from 13-16 are not usually on their own, traveling into snowy mountain. Yes, tRead more

    Thanx guys. The point with to specify the age and in which part of a rectangle it fits is very good.

    It would be students to aim in that 17-25. College students makes it more clear, however its one extra word and students from 13-16 are not usually on their own, traveling into snowy mountain. Yes, they are, but I think no one will be curious about it. If its going to be a horror for target audience M15+ with some gore and sex, you can’t put there 13-16 or you risk a law suit for kiddie porn, right?

    Witch is hiding, that’s accurate – she is ancient because she was smart to pick up easy targets – group of students present a problem as they have families, friends … and witch have another issue closely connected – she spawned some uncontrollable demons in the house. If she fail to scary them out, they will expose her as something more then just an innocent hobo – which is her disguise.

    I like complicated movies with some unexpected twists, so, towards a loglines, I have an issue – dunno how many twists put in there, how important they are.

    So maybe –

    When students seeking protection in abandoned factory refuses to leave, ancient witch with her group of hellspawns threats to eat them all unless they find a way out. (28)

    Or

    When students found refuge in abandoned factory turning into a maze, they confront an ancient cannibal witch and must now find the way out (28)

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  3. Posted: February 13, 2013In:

    A scientist and her group find a new element on archaeological excavations at an earth like planet making the group obsessed and killing each other but she pulls against her hallucinations and her group in order to get the element aboard the scientific base.

    JanCabal Logliner

    Could be good for the character to have a trait ? reckless/career-pursuing/enthusiastic scientist .. it will help you to give us a clue about hero's journey. Also the goal of main character is only to get the element on the base ? probably to be studied ? but how it will outcome ? what's at stakes?Read more

    Could be good for the character to have a trait ? reckless/career-pursuing/enthusiastic scientist .. it will help you to give us a clue about hero’s journey. Also the goal of main character is only to get the element on the base ? probably to be studied ? but how it will outcome ? what’s at stakes? Her career/curiosity/wiping whole planet?

    A career-pursuing archaeologist find a new element causing hallucinations at an earth-like planet which causes everyone obsessed murderers, but she resists and bring it aboard the base only to ? face extinction/death/something …

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