Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
After his brother kills a crooked cop in self-defence, an idealistic detective fights for their survival against the entire force, led by his old commanding officer.
I echo Kriss' comment ... well done - solid logline. Now it's time to bang out that script and share with others!
I echo Kriss’ comment … well done – solid logline. Now it’s time to bang out that script and share with others!
See lessWhen orphan Billy and his friends accidentally land on Carnival Cloud they discover Cloud Surfing, Pirate Kingdoms, Pet Paradise, a school with bully boats, new friends and that anything?s possible…now to find a way home.
Sounds like a Peter Pan premise! :-) What I like: you've kept it to one line - excellent! What needs work: it's too wordy, includes concepts and references to story-specific elements (i.e., Cloud Surfing - no clue what this is other than the literal sense of the term). There's no irony or a time limRead more
Sounds like a Peter Pan premise! 🙂
What I like: you’ve kept it to one line – excellent!
What needs work: it’s too wordy, includes concepts and references to story-specific elements (i.e., Cloud Surfing – no clue what this is other than the literal sense of the term). There’s no irony or a time limit.
For instance, let’s start with this suggestion:
“When Billy, an orphan, travels through a mystical portal he meets a community of friends on Carnival Cloud that grows into a family, but he must return to his dog, Spot, before the portal closes forever.”
I’ve taken some liberty with the storyline, but hopefully you get the gist.
See lessA frazzled man's secret lives are set to collide when he discovers his wife has invited everyone he knows to his surprise 40th birthday.
I'm torn over this one. I like it, but something feels like it's missing or could be cleaned up a tad to make it flow faster. I considered removing a few words from your logline to read the following: "A frazzled man's secret lives collide when his wife has invited everyone he knows to his surpriseRead more
I’m torn over this one. I like it, but something feels like it’s missing or could be cleaned up a tad to make it flow faster. I considered removing a few words from your logline to read the following: “A frazzled man’s secret lives collide when his wife has invited everyone he knows to his surprise 40th birthday.”
May I ask what secret lives he’s been living? Having an affair? Is he a spy?
And the title feels on-the-nose … how about, “Over the Hill”?
See less