1. Posted: March 25, 2013In:

    The awakening of ancient powers in a young woman sparks an age-old war amongst mankind's original creators, over who controls the earth.

    Karel Segers Logliner

    Well-written logline - although somewhat vague. Also, check it out: this type of fantasy epic rarely works without the basis of a bestselling novel... It reads quite generic. We surely don't get any idea of the main character. Why is this young woman an interesting character to lead an epic feature?Read more

    Well-written logline – although somewhat vague.

    Also, check it out: this type of fantasy epic rarely works without the basis of a bestselling novel…

    It reads quite generic. We surely don’t get any idea of the main character. Why is this young woman an interesting character to lead an epic feature? I get that this is an ‘ordinary character in extraordinary circumstances’ but we may need to know a little more to get truly excited.

    What are her powers?
    Who are these creators? Are they like the Greek gods? Or the Scandinavians? Or monsters? Aliens?
    And who does the woman need to defeat in this war?

    Finally, ‘age-old’ sounds like it could take a pretty damn long time before it’s over… Why now? Is there a ticking clock?

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  2. Posted: March 25, 2013In:

    A coming of age story about the unlikely bond that forms between a sexually adventurous teenage girl and her obese, mentally unstable step-brother.

    Karel Segers Logliner

    The promise for this movie is that there will be a bond forming... Nothing visual, nothing cinematic. It seems to me that the only - for some perhaps dubious - appeal from this logline is in what the sexually adventurous teenage girl is going to do (and look like). My question is: what sort of journRead more

    The promise for this movie is that there will be a bond forming… Nothing visual, nothing cinematic.

    It seems to me that the only – for some perhaps dubious – appeal from this logline is in what the sexually adventurous teenage girl is going to do (and look like).

    My question is: what sort of journey will they go through, that binds them? This should ideally be a tangible goal that either character needs to achieve and whereby the other will be a help or a hindrance.

    It is a terribly low concept, so it depends entirely on the execution. Because the script made it onto the Blacklist, I suspect this execution to be excellent and an opportunity for a talented cast to shine. It is the type of film that smells like Academy Award material. Think RAIN MAN.

    If directed well, it is also the type of material that proves you don’t need a big budget to make great movies and compete effectively with Hollywood.

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  3. Posted: March 25, 2013In:

    An insecure self help guru is blackmailed into helping the newest super villain in town when he kidnaps the guru's girl friend.

    Karel Segers Logliner

    This is a tough one... I can see the potential but I find it difficult to phrase it. "Helping" to do what? Although it may be as generic as 'taking control of the city', it would be good to state it as we can visualise it better. The better option would obviously be to state the villain's flaw, whicRead more

    This is a tough one… I can see the potential but I find it difficult to phrase it.

    “Helping” to do what? Although it may be as generic as ‘taking control of the city’, it would be good to state it as we can visualise it better. The better option would obviously be to state the villain’s flaw, which he needs to overcome in order to succeed in his evil plan.

    Because the structure of this logline is turned on its head, we don’t really see what the guru’s own goal is. I would always first try structuring the logline like this:

    “When his girlfriend is kidnapped by the newest super villain to enlist his services, an insecure self help guru must … ”

    We want to know what he will try to do to WIN from the villain.

    “the newest super villain in town” is also fairly generic. What does he look like? What is his super villainous strength?

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