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After finding a powerful ring, a man working a white-collar job must keep the magical relic from a greedy, other dimensional man in order to save the world.
Sounds promising, although personally I am tired of movies about Powerful Rings... :) Why is the 'man working a white-collar job' an interesting character? He feels fairly bland. Perhaps you're doing the 'ordinary man' meets 'extraordinary circumstances'? Still, I want to be intrigued by the charactRead more
Sounds promising, although personally I am tired of movies about Powerful Rings… 🙂
Why is the ‘man working a white-collar job’ an interesting character? He feels fairly bland. Perhaps you’re doing the ‘ordinary man’ meets ‘extraordinary circumstances’? Still, I want to be intrigued by the character as well. Frodo was interesting because he’s not just a mere mortal. He’s a Hobbit!
The other issue is ‘keep the magical relic from a … man’: this is an open-ended goal. Give us a specific way of saving the world and while this action is underway, he must keep the ring. Saving by just keeping is not particularly interesting.
But I assume he will ultimately need to kill/return the ‘other dimensional man’. Perhaps include the moment that triggers this need in the logline. Most likely this will become the mid point as sometimes an open-ended goal becomes specific halfway the movie.
See lessWhen a young man discovers that he is a clone of a dead scientist he wants to find out why the scientist cloned himself, while keeping the fact that he is a clone a secret and getting on with his life.
The stakes are minimal. Unless we learn more from the logline, the knowledge why the scientist cloned himself doesn't promise anything that will sustain a film. Why would he want to keep it a secret? This is also an open-ended goal... In MOON for instance, not the knowledge/realisation he is a cloneRead more
The stakes are minimal. Unless we learn more from the logline, the knowledge why the scientist cloned himself doesn’t promise anything that will sustain a film.
Why would he want to keep it a secret? This is also an open-ended goal…
In MOON for instance, not the knowledge/realisation he is a clone provides the drama, but the fact that he wants to get out.
Find a clear goal that follows directly or indirectly from the inciting incident (the shock realisation).
See lessWhen a girl wakes up with a beard on her first day at a new school she has to think of ways of hiding it from everyone but things get more complicated when she develops a crush.
She might also consider shaving it off... Or else, reveal in the logline why she would not do this. You can work this in the 'character flaw': "When a girl with a phobia of sharp tools wakes up with a beard..." It is worth mentioning this is a short film, so the reader doesn't expect a full featureRead more
She might also consider shaving it off…
Or else, reveal in the logline why she would not do this. You can work this in the ‘character flaw’: “When a girl with a phobia of sharp tools wakes up with a beard…”
It is worth mentioning this is a short film, so the reader doesn’t expect a full feature to be milked from this (otherwise promising) concept.
See less