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An eskimo with a thirst for human flesh accidentally steals the identity of a popular quiz show host, leading to a one-of-a-kind spectacle of blood, blubber, and cash prizes.
It's a great pitch but I'd like to see just a little more detail about that second act. In fact what we have is, what I believe to be the Inciting Incident: "An eskimo with a thirst for human flesh accidentally steals the identity of a popular quiz show host." And what follows is really more a tag lRead more
It’s a great pitch but I’d like to see just a little more detail about that second act.
In fact what we have is, what I believe to be the Inciting Incident:
“An eskimo with a thirst for human flesh accidentally steals the identity of a popular quiz show host.”
And what follows is really more a tag line.
See lessA dispirited shapeshifter's struggle to use his power for good intensifies when he's captured by a tight-knit, manipulative group whose members share the same power, and have their own twisted ideas about how to use it.
"Shapeshifter" is an archetype, a metaphorical function. It isn't a character we can visualise as the protagonist. So what does this character look like? "to use his power for good": we assume this is the case for any kind of hero or superhero. They all use their power for good, so it is not givingRead more
“Shapeshifter” is an archetype, a metaphorical function. It isn’t a character we can visualise as the protagonist. So what does this character look like?
“to use his power for good”: we assume this is the case for any kind of hero or superhero. They all use their power for good, so it is not giving us any information that is specific to your story.
“Struggle intensifies”: again, this is common to ALL STORIES.
So all we really learn that is useful is this: the hero is captured by a group. What sort of group? I have no idea. They share the same power, but what is this? What does the group look like, what unites them?
This logline is super vague.
You really need to start from scratch. Read the HOW TO WRITE section, read a few successful loglines and post a new version below in a comment.
Good luck!
See lessIn a near future where nothing is safe from corporate logos, a burnt out advertising worker rebels when his company markets his new born child.
I like the dystopian theme! "Rebels" is too weak. I'm sure he goes to greater lengths to stop it. And ... to stop what? Are they trying to sell his child? Be precise, also about the child's gender. 'Son' or 'daughter' immediately sounds more involving t the reader. Who exactly is he up against withiRead more
I like the dystopian theme!
“Rebels” is too weak. I’m sure he goes to greater lengths to stop it. And … to stop what? Are they trying to sell his child? Be precise, also about the child’s gender. ‘Son’ or ‘daughter’ immediately sounds more involving t the reader.
Who exactly is he up against within the company? Surely there is a fearsome antagonist and at some point, our hero will have to fight for his life.
I’d like to see this potential in the logline.
Finally, I would like to see what the final outcome would be for the movie. Do you have a visual end goal? Is this practice going to be stopped for once and for all? How can this be achieved?
I’m not saying all these questions need to be answered – but some may have to be addressed in the logline.
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