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During San Francisco?s Mayoral race a security guard addicted to cocaine finds himself in the midst of a deadly shooting and discovers that he isn?t the only one leading a double life.
I have removed the two other versions of the logline as it was probably your intention to post only one (as we do here). Clear setting and inciting incident but not enough promise of a story. "he isn't the only one leading a double life" reads like a teaser for the back of the DVD. It is not a logliRead more
I have removed the two other versions of the logline as it was probably your intention to post only one (as we do here).
Clear setting and inciting incident but not enough promise of a story.
“he isn’t the only one leading a double life” reads like a teaser for the back of the DVD. It is not a logline giving us a proper idea of what to expect in this story. Read up on how we construct loglines here and post your new draft below in a reply to my comment.
See lessWhen an accused murderer claims that her friend time-travelled, a famous psychiatrist turned writer starts questioning his beliefs and rationality
This is confusing. Who is the main character? - An accused murderer: if she is innocent, we will have sympathy and she could be the MC. - Her friend: if there is someone time-travelling in the story, this is likely the most interesting character and perhaps should be the MC. - A famous psychiatristRead more
This is confusing.
Who is the main character?
– An accused murderer: if she is innocent, we will have sympathy and she could be the MC.
– Her friend: if there is someone time-travelling in the story, this is likely the most interesting character and perhaps should be the MC.
– A famous psychiatrist turned writer: if he “starts questioning his beliefs and rationality”, you’re probably in dangerous territory. The audience doesn’t like main characters (thinking they’re) going mad, unless they figure out quickly that they are NOT and start doing something about what is really the issue.
So who is it?
And the next question: what does the MC >>DO<< in most of the story? The logline needs to give us an idea of the type of story it is and what to expect in Act Two.
See lessAt his wife's annual work retreat, a stay-at-home Dad must battle the other wives and husbands who all want his wife's job for their own partners.
I love the idea. A few questions: What IS the job if it is so hot? HOW do the husbands and wives threaten to take the job? Why does he have to do the battling and not his wife? Does the hero have a flaw he needs to overcome? How does it manifest itself?
I love the idea.
A few questions:
What IS the job if it is so hot?
See lessHOW do the husbands and wives threaten to take the job?
Why does he have to do the battling and not his wife?
Does the hero have a flaw he needs to overcome? How does it manifest itself?