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It's a story about a person who comes out of the closet, but the problem is that he lives in the middle east. And now he's getting pursued and strives to keep himself alive.
Don't start the logline with "It's a story about" because this is a waste of five words that you can use better. Every logline will summarize "a story". "A person who comes out of the closet": we really need a little more about this character. How old is he? Why does he come out NOW? Is there an incRead more
Don’t start the logline with “It’s a story about” because this is a waste of five words that you can use better. Every logline will summarize “a story”.
“A person who comes out of the closet”: we really need a little more about this character. How old is he? Why does he come out NOW? Is there an inciting incident, trigger for this decision?
“the problem is that he lives in the middle east”: gay people don’t just have a hard time in the Middle East, therefore you will need to navigate carefully not to use stereotypes.
“Now he’s getting pursued”: by whom?
See lessIn a animated world with no trees but fake ones. A teenager looks for a real tree to get a girl, and learns from an exile about the tree guardian the Lorax and receives the last tree seed. Which he must plant before a ruling corporate thug who sells the air destroys it.
Original posting: "In a animated world with no trees but fake ones. A teenager looks for a real tree to get a girl, and learns from an exile about the tree guardian the Lorax and receives the last tree seed. Which he must plant before a ruling corporate thug who sells the air destroys it." Thank youRead more
Original posting:
“In a animated world with no trees but fake ones. A teenager looks for a real tree to get a girl, and learns from an exile about the tree guardian the Lorax and receives the last tree seed. Which he must plant before a ruling corporate thug who sells the air destroys it.”
Thank you for posting this, Justin.
Try linking the clauses into one sentence. Grammatically you can’t really have subclauses with full-stops.
Can you tell us what is special about the teenager? Strength/weakness?
The opening subclause “in an animated world with no trees but fake ones” sounds long… I’m sure you can trim this down to the bare essentials. What is not essential to understand the story or sell the concept, shouldn’t be in the logline.
See lessTwo Jedi knights sent to break a planetary blockade are instead caught up in an return of an ancient old enemy known as the Sith, and the destined discovery of a child born from a Jedi prophesy.
Original posting: Two Jedi knights sent to break a planetary blockade are instead caught up in an return of an ancient old enemy known as the Sith, and the destined discovery of a child born from a Jedi prophesy. I don't know the movie well enough to improve the logline but it sounds more like the dRead more
Original posting:
Two Jedi knights sent to break a planetary blockade are instead caught up in an return of an ancient old enemy known as the Sith, and the destined discovery of a child born from a Jedi prophesy.
I don’t know the movie well enough to improve the logline but it sounds more like the description of the opening situation (or end of Act One) than summary of what needs to be achieved.
Ad do we really have two protagonists?
Can you give us a little more about the nature of the enemy? I’m not sure if you need to mention the name Sith as it doesn’t really contribute to the story.
What does ‘destined discovery’ mean?
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