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When an illegal immigrant becomes a roadie for an evil Heavy Metal band, he soon discovers that himself being an extra pair of hands is a cannibalistic requirement, rather than a job description.
I find the logline somewhat confusing. Is 'cannibalistic' to be read literally and is this a horror movie? A good logline makes a promise about the type of movie and action we can expect but here it merely makes a statement about the situation the hero will find himself in. But what is he trying toRead more
I find the logline somewhat confusing.
Is ‘cannibalistic’ to be read literally and is this a horror movie?
A good logline makes a promise about the type of movie and action we can expect but here it merely makes a statement about the situation the hero will find himself in. But what is he trying to achieve?
I’m guessing that the goal will be to leave the band but typically the protagonist won’t realise he needs to do this until the mid point. What is he trying to achieve until then?
Also, does the hero go through a character journey? Is the fact that he is illegal linked to a flaw?
How is the band ‘evil’? The audience/reader needs to be able to understand this so we can picture the type of action that will follow from this. Again, in this context it is crucial to understand the genre of the movie.
Okay, now I have reread the logline a few times I’m getting that this is the rock version of DELICATESSEN. I like the premise but you’ll need to make it clearer to the reader what to expect. The Jeunet/Caro movie also had a love story to keep the narrative going. What else do you have?
See less"What if a group of hard as nails criminals had to become women to rob the bookies at Royal Ascot's Ladies Day event?"
I wouldn?t write a logline starting with What if? because it really only pictures a situation, not a story. In this case I believe you can improve the logline by answering the following questions: 1. Who is the central character in the group of criminals? Don?t do multi-protag (http://bit.ly/ONEheroRead more
I wouldn?t write a logline starting with What if? because it really only pictures a situation, not a story.
See lessIn this case I believe you can improve the logline by answering the following questions:
1. Who is the central character in the group of criminals? Don?t do multi-protag (http://bit.ly/ONEhero)
2. How is it different from / better than SOME LIKE IT HOT??
3. Why do they have to become women? What happened? Or in other words: what is the inciting incident or catalyst of the story?
I hope this will help you in refining the logline.
When his meth lab burns down, a rising drug lord must erase evidence from a laptop before the DEA finds it.
Nope. The laptop is fine but the logline is confusing because the DEA already have the laptop and "before the DEA finds it" relates to the evidence stored on it. Perhaps: "... a rising drug lord must destroy evidence a laptop that is stored in the police evidence room."
Nope. The laptop is fine but the logline is confusing because the DEA already have the laptop and “before the DEA finds it” relates to the evidence stored on it.
Perhaps: “… a rising drug lord must destroy evidence a laptop that is stored in the police evidence room.”
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