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Two rival gangsters team up to track down a cop, while one wants him dead, the other wants him alive.
I haven't seen anything like this before and I love the fact that it flips what we usually get to see. I also do like 'rival' as it provides the main conflict in the film. It sounds like it could be a 'buddy' movie where they overcome their differences in the course of the journey. What is missing aRead more
I haven’t seen anything like this before and I love the fact that it flips what we usually get to see.
I also do like ‘rival’ as it provides the main conflict in the film. It sounds like it could be a ‘buddy’ movie where they overcome their differences in the course of the journey.
What is missing are the stakes. What do the gangsters have to win or lose? This will probably come out when you give us the motivation. Either way, we need more.
This is pitched as a dual-journey movie. They are hard to pull off if you don’t have a lot of experience… (I’ve written something about this here: http://bit.ly/ONEhero) Perhaps the story can be told from the POV of one of them.
See lessA psychiatrist risks his life to save a young female rape patient from the same attacker who molested him years earlier.
I always first look at your protagonist. He's a psychiatrist, but what is interesting about him? Typically I would like to see a character flaw that needs overcoming in the course of the story. Because you say he saves his life, perhaps at the beginning of the story he doesn't genuinely care for hisRead more
I always first look at your protagonist. He’s a psychiatrist, but what is interesting about him? Typically I would like to see a character flaw that needs overcoming in the course of the story.
Because you say he saves his life, perhaps at the beginning of the story he doesn’t genuinely care for his patients, because he is jaded and doesn’t believe in his job. I know, I’m making things up here, only to give an example. Perhaps the psychiatrist himself hasn’t fully let go of the experience and this is what he will be working through in the course of the movie (See GOOD WILL HUNTING).
In terms of what to expect of this movie, “risks his life” seems to refer to only a short moment in the movie, i.e. the climax. What is the psychiatrist trying to achieve before it gets to that point? Find the rapist? Keep him away from the patient? We need to be able to envisage something significant so it can sustain Act Two.
Finally, I’m a sucker for good inciting incidents. What sets the story in motion? If it’s a strong scene, include it in the logline. It will get your audience AND the reader’s interest.
See lessA straight-laced rookie goes undercover to catch a gang of free-running thieves, but falls in love with their charismatic leader.
Nicholas, to me this sounds too much like Point Break. What sets it apart? Include that in the logline. For me, the love reference needs to stay. I like to see loglines that promise me as much of a story as possible. I don't like to see the vague poster-like tags that leave everything to the imaginaRead more
Nicholas, to me this sounds too much like Point Break. What sets it apart? Include that in the logline.
For me, the love reference needs to stay. I like to see loglines that promise me as much of a story as possible. I don’t like to see the vague poster-like tags that leave everything to the imagination.
What I focus on teaching is to create loglines that convince people in the industry that you have all the elements to write a unique yet familiar well-told story. That’s a lot… So milk the logline! Put in whatever you can within the 25-words-or-less.
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