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A historian from a line of disgraced fortune hunters discovers a treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence.
I haven't seen the movie but this only gives us the Inciting Incident. What is the historian trying to achieve for most of the movie? I guess: find the the treasure... but what are the obstacles? Try starting like this to figure out how to include the most important story points: "When a disgraced fRead more
I haven’t seen the movie but this only gives us the Inciting Incident. What is the historian trying to achieve for most of the movie? I guess: find the the treasure… but what are the obstacles?
Try starting like this to figure out how to include the most important story points:
“When a disgraced fortune hunter discovers a treasure map on the back of the D.o.I., he must … ”
Is there a character journey? Why was he disgraced? Does he overcome this weakness? Can you include it without making the logline sound overweight?
See lessA stranded hockey team must fight for survival against the harsh Canadian winter… and a horde of time-travelling Nazi zombies.
There's clearly the seed of a good concept but it will need a lot of work. My main concern is that I don't know you as a writer and you are going to do a multi-protagonist movie. I can guarantee you right now that it won't work. Name ONE successful multi-protag movie written by a newcomer? (read thiRead more
There’s clearly the seed of a good concept but it will need a lot of work.
My main concern is that I don’t know you as a writer and you are going to do a multi-protagonist movie. I can guarantee you right now that it won’t work. Name ONE successful multi-protag movie written by a newcomer? (read this: http://bit.ly/ONEhero)
Pick one character, possibly the team captain. You could play with increasing stakes: first it’s a matter of him getting the team back on the road to make it in time for a competition, later it becomes a matter of life and death.
A logline is not only about the concept: it needs to demonstrate that you understand story structure, stakes etc.
See lessCocky and reckless, Test Pilot Hal Jordan?s job was not to be afraid, but when he is chosen to become an intergalactic Guardian and wear a ring that summons physical constructs from his will alone, He finds himself more afraid than ever as he faces a terrifying foe that devours worlds and feeds off fear itself.
This is almost a good logline and if anything, we need to know MORE: who is the terrifying foe? What does 'devour worlds' mean? Is it literal? The logline needs to give us enough information so we can understand the fear. A good logline is NOT a teaser. It gives us ALL the important story elements,Read more
This is almost a good logline and if anything, we need to know MORE: who is the terrifying foe? What does ‘devour worlds’ mean? Is it literal?
The logline needs to give us enough information so we can understand the fear.
A good logline is NOT a teaser. It gives us ALL the important story elements, so the reader is convinced there is sufficient material for a good story and subsequently requests the script.
You may want to do some reshuffling, to trim and make the grammer work better. Leave out that his “job was not to be afraid”. We can figure this out for ourselves. No need to mention the name, either.
Start with: “When a cocky and reckless test pilot is chosen to guard the galaxy using a magical ring, he must …”, then follows the exact nature of the battle and the enemy.
Rather than “He finds himself more afraid than ever” perhaps you can say something along the lines of “he learns about fear”. Play around with it until it sounds sexy.
Have fun loglining!
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