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On the run from a determined street enforcer, a young Londoner will do anything and everything to avoid capture but the enforcer has pledged to kill himself in the event of failure.
Excellent, Dpg. More dynamic opening lines...pledges to kill himself if he fails to 'capture' though - not kill - his aim is to get the money back and them kill... I think I'll keep... who will do anything and everything to 'evade' capture to protect innocent lives. I think this way is true to the sRead more
Excellent, Dpg. More dynamic opening lines…pledges to kill himself if he fails to ‘capture’ though – not kill – his aim is to get the money back and them kill…
I think I’ll keep… who will do anything and everything to ‘evade’ capture to protect innocent lives.
I think this way is true to the story
Hi Jean, missed your comments and analysis. But I guess you found us too boring!
See lessOn the run from a determined street enforcer, a young Londoner will do anything and everything to avoid capture but the enforcer has pledged to kill himself in the event of failure.
Where is Jean-Marie when you need him? Watching Tennis at Roland Garros, no doubt.
Where is Jean-Marie when you need him? Watching Tennis at Roland Garros, no doubt.
See lessOn the run from a determined street enforcer, a young Londoner will do anything and everything to avoid capture but the enforcer has pledged to kill himself in the event of failure.
Hi dpg & Tony, I don?t think I can include anything to do with the protagonist?s plan for the money in the logline. Why? Because ? like we all agree ? it doesn?t match the antagonist?s motivation. It forces readers to make judgments that reflect badly on the script. The protagonist's motivationRead more
Hi dpg & Tony,
I don?t think I can include anything to do with the protagonist?s plan for the money in the logline. Why? Because ? like we all agree ? it doesn?t match the antagonist?s motivation. It forces readers to make judgments that reflect badly on the script.
The protagonist’s motivation regarding the money is cumulative and no single element can be taken in isolation. Therefore it can have no place in the logline.
Actually, I don?t think it wise to say anything about the money at all. Why? Because it’s simply a MacGuffin. A conflict this extreme can?t just be about money. dpg raised this point in his last post. And the truth is ? it?s not about money. It?s about being honourable ? being true to one’s self.
Now I also don?t think I should use the word honour in the logline because it means different things to both characters. It’s an abstract concept. It means different things to different people.
So what I?m left with is strife or contention which is what the story is really about when you boil it right down. It’s about an escalating conflict taken to the zenith. Think, The Terminator or Highlander – and you’re in the ball park.
Here?s the IMDB plot summary for The Terminator: A robotic assassin from a post-apocalyptic future travels back in time to eliminate a waitress, whose son will grow up and lead humanity in a war against machines.
How do we know who the protagonist is? Well, the protagonist is the good guy. A robotic assassin cannot be the good guy in context with a waitress. Alright? Who is more interesting? The antagonist. Who has the stakes? The Protagonist.
Revised Logline for Strife: A fearsome street enforcer with a pledge to kill himself in the event of failure is sent to hunt down a penniless drifter who will do anything and everything to avoid capture to protect innocent lives.
The stakes? 1) The enforcer’s life. 2) The protagonist’s life and the lives of innocents.
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