1. Posted: June 4, 2013In:

    When secrets threaten to surface and trust is about to shatter; a husband and wife independently devise their own plan to kill the other before their pasts are revealed.

    Kriss Tolliday

    This is great help thank you. I like how you have stripped it and still kept the same meaning.

    This is great help thank you. I like how you have stripped it and still kept the same meaning.

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  2. Posted: June 4, 2013In:

    A paranoid lawyer must confront his own personal demons when his elderly client strikes comparisons with Adolf Hitler, raising a dangerous hate mob.

    Kriss Tolliday

    A paranoid lawyer fights for his own safety from a vengeful hate mob when he uncovers a conspiracy accusing his latest client to be Adolf Hitler. Is this any better?

    A paranoid lawyer fights for his own safety from a vengeful hate mob when he uncovers a conspiracy accusing his latest client to be Adolf Hitler.

    Is this any better?

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  3. Posted: April 5, 2013In:

    A whirlwind trip home proves disastrous for Annabelle as she battles family demons

    Kriss Tolliday

    Richiev is right here as we have no idea what the genre is intending to be and only know the story as a woman goes home to a family she doesn't get along with. Why is she going home? What is her plan whilst she is there? What is in her way and what must she learn? If it is monsters add it in so we kRead more

    Richiev is right here as we have no idea what the genre is intending to be and only know the story as a woman goes home to a family she doesn’t get along with. Why is she going home? What is her plan whilst she is there? What is in her way and what must she learn? If it is monsters add it in so we know it is a horror. If it is a former boyfriend add it in so we know it is a romance film.

    At the minute it is far too vague and we need to know more. It’s great keeping it short but we still need to know the journey to be taken.

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